Still Here

Christmas is in less than a week?

Has it really been a year since I visited my family in Texas?

I guess it has.  A lot has happened, and I now know what the purpose of 2017 will be.

Stay tuned.

I Guess Christmastime Is Here

All the Xmas stuff is out in full force, and I'm sure I will get a double dose of it when I return to the US for two days on Wednesday.

I really don't look forward to the hype.  So, I will double down and do work stuff and plot my project for the new year.

Next year will also be the time I decide where to be full time.  That should be interesting in that I am now working on dating two people in the SD/Tijuana area and have a friend with benefits here as well. I have nothing of the sort on the other end and that just might be what tips the scales - especially since the SD guy is getting his passport renewed and the Tijuana guy is getting his visa.

More to come.

Woo Hooo, I Got My First Comment

Unfortunately, it was a piece of spam.

That said, it was a comment.  So, I am making progress on this blog.

That is a good thing.

As I Wait for a Check

I  have something to be thankful for.

I went for a walk this morning and happened on a man who probably lived one notch above the streets in some distress.  It seems that his wheelchair was folded and he couldn't unfold it from the position he was in.  I unfolded it, set the brakes and he subsequently crawled into it and wheeled himself away.

This came on the heels of learning that a check that I was expecting has not been received due to the major inconvenience of Thanksgiving.  I should get it Friday.

I noted that this Thanksgiving, I should be thankful that I was able to perform a mitzvah for someone. That's a good thing.  I also promise to do a better job of appreciating what I have and counting my blessings.

Hope your Thanksgiving went well.

Day three of TIjuanarama

It is soooooo good to be back in Tijuana.

I really needed a break from the roommate.

And, of course, there was a development after I left.

He wants to make sure he is OK and that the aftermath of his past has not resulted in heart issues.

Fine.

He thinks the ONLY solution is to run to Gualdalajara to see a cardiologist and have open heart surgery.

He then spoke with his mom, who asked the $64,000 question.

"Why don't you get it looked at in the US with a local MD that is covered by your insurance?"

MELTDOWN TIME!

He went into that mode and ranted for three hours about how uncaring his mother is because she DARED suggest an alternative strategy.

It seems every time things don't go his way that is the result - even for the most trivial of stuff.  I suspect that these actions will be his undoing if he doesn't recognize that these stunts are doing more harm than good.

But he will have to figure that one out for himself and we will see how that develops.

In the meantime, it is good to be back in Tijuana and I will work and work on planning for the impending Trumpocolypse.

Have a good week.

Wouldn't You Know It

It's T minus 35 hours and I met someone interesting.  We went on a hike this morning for a first date after chatting for a good chunk of the night on Scruff.  He seemed nice and there were some things we saw eye to eye on and, honestly, I want to see him again.

The housemate went ballistic.  Why?  He's 24.

I don't find it a deal.  The only ground rule I have is if someone is much younger than me, they don't have an issue with the age difference.  I always ask early on, and if there is a problem my feelings aren't hurt.  I understand not everyone would want to be involved in that situation as evidenced by that Rick was 25 years my senior.

The housemate finds it objectionable, wrong and wonders how I could do such a thing.  He made that one clear in no uncertain terms.  No, I don't understand what his deal is.  That said it obviously runs counter to my opinion that as long as it's consensual and both parties are over 18, there isn't a problem.

It will be something to think about for the next six weeks give or take.

T Minus 57 Hours and Change

That is the time frame between now and when I head back to San Diego and Baja until January 6 more or less.

It also will be time to evaluate six months of splitting my time between there and the Coachella Valley.

On this particular stint in the Coachella Valley, something hit home.  I am having an easier time of it making friends in San Diego and Tijuana than in Palm Springs and its environs.  It's become an issue with me.  I'm ready for a social life / dating / possibly meeting my next husband.  It ain't happening in Palm Springs.  It is happening in San Diego and Tijuana and that may be the tipping point in favor of that area.

Also, let's be honest.  The election has turned a joke into no joke.  I make remarks that I was preparing for a Trumpocolypse when I bought a dual SIM phone because I wanted one phone that could have SIMs from the USA and Mexico.  I also joked about establishing a banking relationship with a bank that had plenty of ATMs there where I can get cash at no charge.  Well, with what's going down, that may come in handy.

It also helps that I have friends in Tijuana.

Anyway, wish me well on that round.

The Day After

It's settling in.

On January 20, 2017 Donald Trump will be President.

My first reaction is, "How could people in their right mind vote for this man?"

Ultimately, none of us should be surprised that Hillary Clinton failed to win on her second try.

My theory is that Team Hillary always believed that they were entitled to the Democratic nomination and the presidency.  I posited in 2008 that her battle plan was to make sure any primary challenge was over and done with in February in a Year when, for all sorts of reasons, California had its presidential primary then.  That didn't happen and we all know the aftermath of that one.

One would think after being drubbed due to a sense of entitlement, there would be a rethink of the premise that the presidency is owed to someone.  That didn't seem to happen.  Only the tactics changed to make sure she got the nomination with a complete ignorance of the root cause of why 2008 did not happen for her.

It was a good run, and I wish her well in her future endeavors.

So, where does that lead me now?

As a Gay Latino, I really am fearful of what is happening.  So, I'm building my escape hatch should all hell break loose.  Should the country destabilize, I don't want to be around for my safety.

Which means it's off to Mexico for relationship maintenance until January due to a lot of things going down.

More to come.

Although the Fat Lady Hasn't Sung Yet

The election returns are coming in, and it doesn't look good for Secretary Clinton.

I have joked about the possibility of a Trumpocolypse, Right now it looks as if Mr. Trump may pull it off.

I was thinking about the amate.

I mentioned to him that were he deported, I would at least make an effort to see him in his native Guatemala.  He always remarked that he thought I would be healthier there if only because of the lack of processed foods.  He also suspected that I would be able to handle a place where they kill a cow, butcher it and sell the meat in public.  He also appreciated that he liked the fact I did homework and knew I had to get an IDP to drive there.

Doing quite a bit of hanging out in Guatemala with a loved one, who sang lullabys to me sounds awfully good now.

Jet Lag

Yes, we are now back on Standard time.

Which means I spent an entire day jet lagged.

I am cursed with an extreme sensitivity to time changes.  What usually happens is that I will go about my day and it will hit me hard and the only thing I want to do is sleep.

At the worst possible moment.

In a previous chapter in my life, I commuted between San Francisco and New York.  I found that the best solution was to arrive at my destination at bedtime and try to sleep it off.  Which meant that one day was shot going eastbound and I was productive before I boarded my flight going westbound.  I  tried to do these flights on Saturdays so I could get an extra recovery day.  Overall that one worked out.

When I was in New York, Rick went to visit his mom in San Diego.  That way we both had adventures to talk about.  The best set ever was the time I had to be on the other end of the country the Monday after Thanksgiving.  We spent Thanksgiving together and the next day, I went with Rick to the Oakland Airport via BART and afterwards went to scope out the new cars in Moscone.  I went east on Saturday, and did my Christmas Shopping in New York while Rick cleaned his 88 year old mom's house.  I also went out to SBNY (and suchlike establishments) while Rick took his mom to the Bali Hai (a Tiki Lounge in San Diego) amongst other places.

I came back the Tuesday afterwards and he came back the Wednesday afterwards with reports that he had a mom who was thrilled that he visited her.

So, I will get through this round of Jet Lag and get ready for the Holiday Season.

Don't Worry About It. It's All Taken Care Of

The title of this post has always been one of my favorite lines from, "The Godfather."   When I say the first sentence to someone, it usually is done in such a context that THEY should worry about it.

But it's The Godfather thing I want to write about.

You see, in May, I spoke with Rick's grand nephew and he mentioned that there was an upcoming baptism for his youngest daughter.  Of course, that means that there is a party associated with the event.

In many cases in Mexico, the resources are pooled among family and friends in order to make sure that the party is the needed blow out.  So for a baptism, there would be a padrino for the cake, a madrina for the christening gown, another madrina for decorations, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  I offered to be a padrino in some way shape or form for the event.

Fast forward to last Friday.  Rick's grand nephew (He has a name.  Orlando.) touched base with me.  I just got reminded that he was in a situation where the three rights worked in his favor.  He was the right person, at the right place, at the right time.  When I can be more objective, I will talk about it later.

We discussed the whole padrino thing, and he asked if I would be interested in being the padrino for his daughter, Rick's great grand niece.  I said we would talk about it.

That is my excuse to hit the road.  All I have to do is buy a ticket.

The adventure continues.

Don't Know / Not Sure

Once upon a time, I used the phrase in a context I swore would get me in trouble.

It involved a survey I filled out on sexual health and in the demographic information the respondent was asked about their gender.  Besides the usual male and female they also had FTM, MTF, genderqueer and a few others that I don't recall.  I quipped, "Where's 'Don't know / Not sure?'"

Immediately after saying that I feared that I would be subject to a tirade along the lines of, "How DARE you even THINK about making such a comment on someone's gender you,  you,  you MICROAGRESSOR!

And someone is probably saying that as they read this.

Anyway, the response I actually got was, "Hmmmm, maybe we should put that choice in next time."

And there will probably be someone who will be happy about having their gender identity acknowledged because they are still figuring it out.

So what brought this on?

Well, I was reading another article about kids who do not identify with their biological gender.  This one had a theme of these kids needing puberty delaying medications to keep from going through the trauma of puberty until such time as they can start hormone therapy.  I'm passing on that debate, but I did notice something.

All the kids in the article (and many like them) were Anglo.

Aren't there kids of other ethnicities dealing with the same set of issues?  Yeah, I know the answer is, "Of course there are," but the media doesn't seem to portray their struggles.

So hopefully I did my part in noting the lack of diversity on this one.

The Online Dating Nightmare

Not for me on this one, because my posterior got saved.  Woo hoo!

First, my housemate is really into looking for persons to have encounters with via several online dating sites.  I'll peek, but I have no intention of making it the main source.

Anyway, he chatted with this guy and the guy was arrogant and presumptive of certain things. I got the blow by blow after the conversation.  Guess who is on my feed on a dating site?  Bingo.  I decided not to pursue based on the conversation.

And at the rate online dating is going, I am going to do the logical thing.  Wander around and say hi to the people who flash gang signs at me.  You never know who they know.

A Twofer. Counting Blessings and Getting a Look from the Inside.

Saturday night was interesting.  I spent it with the guy I told you about in my post Karma Wins.  It was a fun evening and I really enjoyed getting to watch Family Guy with a fan.  I also met the husband, and was reminded what I was going through with Rick.  He was gracious in offering up his guest Casita for me to spend the night (and I needed it too as a surprise expense came up.)

Anyhow, he lives near San Diego State and I woke up at the insane hour of 4.00 AM to get the 215 Rapid to Downtown to get the trolley to Iris Avenue and the connecting bus to the storage locker to grab my stuff and head to Palm Springs.

This bus runs hourly and I wound up with a 40 minute wait for the next one.  Five minutes into the wait two Border Patrol officers offered me a ride to the Trolley (Beyer Blvd which is one stop down.)

That was an interesting ride.  I learned a little about their job and office banter and they learned more about the life of a frequent flyer as far as border crossing is concerned.  I even gave one of them the gay male perspective on their developing mustache.  The also appreciated the props I gave for PedWest.

And let's face it.  Behind the Kevlar vests, cops are people too.

Anyway, I promise to pay these forward.

Winter Storms

First off, your idea and my idea of winter storms may be different as I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for 24 years and in SoCal / Baja for the past year and a month.

Tijuana got hit with 55mm of rain today (that's a little over two inches for those who are using that other ruler.)  As it rained, I remembered all the torrential rains in San Francisco as well as the time it literally rained for 40 days and 40 nights.  Between dodging them, waiting out squalls in bars and hearing the rain pound the roof I didn't mind them too much.  Driving in it is another story, and I try to avoid that one like the plague.

Anyway, today I was reminded of two encounters.  One, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (OK, San Antonio when I was 20,) and the other one that happened two years ago.

In the first situation, I wound up with the college roommate from hell.  I met someone and he invited me over to his place near what was then known as Windsor Park Mall.  It was raining hard that night and we spent the night talking, had sex, went out for coffee at 4 AM, and I went home on the first bus out.  It was an interesting encounter that I appreciated, because I did not have to be near that bastard of a roommate.

The second one involved the Amate.  I told him I wanted to have sex with him.  One night, there was a torrential rain, and he said that I shouldn't worry about him.  It got worse, and he asked me if he could come over.  I said yes, and he came over.  We had a nightcap, talked and he slept in my bed that night.  I got no sleep as I was sitting in my chair with a stupid grin watching him sleep.  I got what I wanted.

He got what he wanted too.  Shelter from the storm.  I'll admit I got what I wanted as well.  A wonderful gentleman with a brain that was fully functional to spend time with and love.

So, hopefully the rest of the week will go well and I get a new client.

Look Around and Listen Up

I was reading a blog posting in which the author noted that she was having a hard time with people who are sympathetic with cross border living.

I was surprised.

In the year and two months I have been splitting time between San Diego and the Coachella Valley, I have met a lot of people who do better at cross border living than I.  Basically, I just kept my eyes open.  Rides on the 905 bus to Otay (and the ride from Otay to Plaza Rio) have given me insights AND I met people who cross more often than I do.  In talking with them, I have learned various and sundry survival hints, how to stretch Dollars and Pesos (a priority of mine) and passed on some of mine.  It really has been a learning experience.

Anyway, except for this weekend, I'm here and I feel like I'm home.

Why hindsight is 20/20

First, happy Labor Day.

Last Labor Day weekend, I was in Tijuana.  I wanted to hang out that weekend and decided to stay through Labor day and return the Tuesday afterward instead of dealing with the line at the border which is VERY long on Sunday.

That weekend was the start of my odyssey in which I have spent more time outside of my official base than inside it.  Over the past year, I have spent more time outside of San Diego than inside.  A good chunk of that was in Tijuana.

It was also the weekend that should have made me sit up, take notice and realize that things were not going to go as planned.

You see, the very first weekend after my arrival, I hit Tijuana.  I went out and met a delightful young man who wondered what I was doing all by my lonesome in a bar.  I told him that I was recently widowed, and wanted to go out and had no one to go out with.  He then introduced himself and invited me to meet his friends.

I chatted all of them up and told the young man that I hoped to see him again.

Fast forward to Labor Day weekend.

Of course I ran into him again.

And he spent the night with me.

The raciest thing that happened was a request from him to be Facebook friends.

I get out my laptop to set it up and ask for his name on Facebook.  His maternal last name was Rick's paternal last name.

This deer got caught in the headlights.  I then explained the whole thing and his mom (Rick's niece that I knew existed but never met) later confirmed that her son is Rick's grand nephew.

THAT should have been the point where I should have realized this was not going to be going as planned.

And that is a good thing.

It Only Took Seven Years

Seven years ago this weekend, a major crisis happened.

Rick admitted to something that for me was a dealbreaker.

I won't go into details, but he said he did something that affected me that was so outrageous, I was close to the point to saying, "I'm sorry.  You went too far.  It's over."

As I was hurtling toward that point and screaming at the top of my lungs over what he did, he started going into bargaining mode.

Amongst the other chips he offered up was, "You can have a boyfriend if you want to."

I then picked up a gig that kept me in San Francisco for a while.

Shortly thereafter I met the amante.

And after that Rick was diagnosed with dementia.

Three years later I dated and fell in love with the amante.

After that, I asked him out on a date.

He flaked.

I then met the guy I hang out with when I am in the Coachella Valley.

Which means that sometimes getting from Point A to Point B takes a while.

Another thing about Labor Day Weekend.  This time last year, I decided to screw it and spend the entire long weekend in Tijuana.  This has morphed into spending longer and longer stints there.

The next one will last three weeks.

Oh, and did I mention during that last long weekend, I found out that the guy I met was Rick's grand nephew?

Karma is interesting.

Very interesting.

Wow it's been a year

It was a year ago Friday that I arrived in SoCal to start a new life.

I find it amazing that I have done so much and life is slowly changing (hopefully for the better.)

The most amazing part is that although I am officially based in San Diego, I have spent little time there.  I've spent most of my year elsewhere be it Tijuana, Palm Springs or Texas.  Right now, I am keeping my base in SD because I still haven't decided where my long term home will be.  The case is made for both Tijuana and the Coachella Valley and I have given myself until July 1 to decide what to do.

Once that gets resolved, I think I will figure out how to buy a house.  That should be fun.

In the meantime, it's back to work as I have three deadlines.

Let's talk about sex some more shall we?

Specifically safe sex.
 
I was reminded yesterday why it is more than just putting on a condom thanks to my housemate.

As a result of trolling on social media he found someone to invite over on Thursday.  The guy never showed up.  On Friday he pings my housemate and asks to pick him up in a park.  Yesterday he came over.

Somehow he managed to drive eight miles after being asked if he was driving.  He showed up at the door in an altered state of consciousness saying he was homeless and wanted a place to crash.  His visit ended shortly thereafter.

I then told the housemate who begged for an intervention if he went too far that he really needs to put an effort into playing safer.

The response?  "Wasn't he cute?"

My answer to that was, "No, the fact he was in an altered state of consciousness  detracted from his appearance big time.  You really do need to be more careful."

We shall see if the commentary took.

Back to Baja

Which is what I be doing next week.

This particular trip is reinforcing one decision about splitting my time between the Coachella Valley and Baja until July 1 when I will figure out where to live long term.  That said, I was given a piece of advice on the subject from a  client who thinks I have one heck of a First World Problem.

He suggested that as long as I have the ability to do so, I should take my time to determine where I want to be long term.  That I will do.

That said, I will say that I will be more than happy to fill the order for a specific Tijanense who wants home made Mac and Cheese.  The cheese may not be sharp cheddar due to procuring ingredients from a friendly, neighborhood Soriana or Calimax but it would be fun to show up at his place with the ingredients.

Did I mention I will throw in some Baja craft beer or wine?

When I know how this will work out, I will let you know.

Playing Catch Up

OK, I did skip a few days in this blogging binge that I promised.  We are now resuming our regularly scheduled programming.

I am no fan of Christmas due to the really bad thing of being told to leave and not come back in December 1987.  I just saw my first ad for something Christmas-y today.  It just makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.  And it is not just the fact that I don't like Christmas.  I feel we are getting way ahead of the game here because here are the US Holidays that come before Christmas.

• Labor Day
• Columbus Day
• Halloween (OK not a holiday but something to celebrate)
• Veteran's Day
• Thanksgiving

And here are the Mexican ones.

• Independence Day
• Day of the Dead (Another something to Celebrate)
• Revolution Day

In short, I would appreciate it if the holiday hype would wait until after the holidays that were ahead of it.

In other news.

I just got through my first dust storm.  I thought it was a thermal inversion but learned otherwise.  

So, we will see what else transpires.

Bounce Rock Skate and Roll

I was filling out a questionnaire related to the fact it has been 30 years since I graduated with my BA.

I mentioned a professor who is no longer among us as one of my favorites.

Here's why.

He taught accounting but was really creative on the names for the companies.  A lot of them were related to pop culture in one way, shape or form.  That always stuck out in my mind, and when I taught a class in business writing I always had to make up the name of the company someone was writing to.

The best example of this was when I told the class that the name of the company they were writing to was called, "Dog and Butterfly."  After initial confusion, I mentioned that the founders were into rocker chicks.  Those who knew what I was talking about latched on.  It made the rest of the exercise fun for all.

On a related note.  I know I missed a day.  I will double up to make up for it.

We're in the YouTube Generation

And theIbackground music for the title comes from Pepsi commercials in the 1960s.

That said, one of my favorite subjects since I was in college was the idea that information is constantly being democratized.

What I mean is that from movable type forward we have made information more and more accessible to the masses.  And if you don't believe me, go to Mexico where everyone and their mother has a smartphone.

That said, I made my first guest appearance on a YouTube channel.  I don't know if I will do videos for this blog, but after seeing one other migration it might be an idea worth pursuing.

But that means hair, makeup and staging, and if I have to do that, I may have to go back to Baja where the hair stylists do a number on my hair.

More to come.

Feast or famine?

One of the things I need to get used to is that every business has its off season, and that I just finished going through a two week dry spell.  That means that I didn't make much money over the past two weeks.

It also means I have to plan a little better for dry spells.

More to come.

Karma wins

I just got off a Growlr date.

It was your basic blow and go with a married man.

OK, not so basic.  The married man had is first weekend away since February from caregiving for a husband who is suffering from Alzheimer's. Knowing what that one is all about, I gave him a super big bonus hug.

It is the second time this year that some weird encounter seemed to happen for a reason.  That is how I met Rick's grand nephew and family that I knew of but never met thanks to the poor relations between Rick's parents.

At least the next shrink appointment will be interesting.

Happy Belated US Independence Day (Hebrew Calendar Version)

Here is the weird factoid of the day.

In 1776 CE, July 4 and Tammuz 17 were on the same day.  Which means that on the day the walls of Jersualem were breached (on two occasions) the US declared it's independence.

Also, like last year, this year Tammuz 17 is on Shabbat which means the fast is postponed one day to Tammuz 18.  Depending on the rabbi, Rick died on Tammuz 18 or 19 because it was between sunset and nightfall.  Legally it would be Tammuz 19 because that was the time of death that was fixed by the coroner.

What I want to know is this.  Does Rick's date of death vis a vis what is observed on the Tammuz 17 (or 18 this year) have any significance?

I should ask a Rabbi for an answer.

What a do nothing day.

I really didn't feel like doing any work today, so I did what I needed to do.

I'm also thinking of making it a point to blog every day for three weeks straight starting on Sunday paralleling The Three Weeks in the Hebrew calendar.  It will be an opportunity to take a look and reflect not only about what could have been done better in the past, but also how I will build on it to make a better future.

It promises to be interesting.

It's Always Sir

Get your mind out of the gutter now.  We are not talking about Dominance and Submission.

We're talking about the fact that ever since I have become a widower, everyone refers to me as, "Sir."

The clerk at the grocery store says, "Thank you, sir."

The trainman who scans my ticket says, "Thank you, sir, and enjoy your trip on Amtrak today."

The bartender at the restaurant says, "Here is the menu, would you like to know what are specials are today, sir?"

The freindly, nieghborhood gangbanger who saw that I noted his rosary tattoo said, "Good afternoon sir, what you you think?"

You get the idea.

I have decided to be serene about the whole thing and accept the fact that thanks to experience and grey hair I will be addressed as, "Sir," no matter what.

But it still take some getting used to.

Cost of living good news and bad news

First the good news.  My workspace lease ends August 31, and I got my free month.  Because it is no longer the right situation right now, I will not renew.  That means cash flow will improve.

But the rent on my storage locker went up.

I have yet to decide what I am going to do to about that one.  I'll know more after a year.

I do know this.  If the situation financially improves, if there is a place in Tijuana I want to rent (or even buy if it were that reasonable) I would spring for it.  I saw a place that was snapped up quickly and the only issue for me was that the place was unfurnished.  Which means buying a cooktop, a toaster oven, a fridge and some furniture to make the place work.  I should have at least called before it was snapped up just to see what it was like.

But at this point, there is the rest of the summer and I don't have any Mexico commitments until October.

So, lets see what it all brings.  Shall we?

It's really been a year

One year ago today Rick passed away.

I find it hard to believe that it has gone by.

I note that life for me has changed a lot, and will probably change some more.  I have made one big decision in that I will split my time between Tijuana and Desert Hot Springs for the next year while I decide what to do for a permanent home.  That means another year of having San Diego as an official base and another year of stuff in a storage locker.

I also decided a celebratory meal was in order.  Rick would have loved the thought of going out for albondigas like his grandmother used to make in beautiful Tijuana.

He then would have given me one of those looks if he wound up in the Vietnamese place I just had to try.  It's called Pequeña Saigon in the Zona Rio.  The albondigas pho isn't at all bad.  I had a great time.

So now it's on to the second year of Post Rick.

The first post Shavuot post

Let's see, what have I done since the last post.

I went to LA Pride.  It was really fun going as a pleasure dance and not a duty dance.  Not having to be a caregiver this year helped me to really enjoy this pride event.  I had never been, so it was an experience for me.

I also went to Tijuana Pride.  This was to honor Rick on what would have been his 76th birthday.  It was fun and much less corporate than the LA version.

In both instances I went alone.  And now I think the DHS housemate is right.  You can't do stuff like this alone.  It's nice to have a companion along.

I gotta work on that one.

The final day.

Now we are at the end of the Omer.

As of nightfall on Monday, I will have gone through the waiting period required between Rick's death and being able to get married again according to Jewish law.

Do I want to do it again?  It would be nice.  Will I do it again?  I don't know.  With that said, I am glad that the option is out there.  The important question is, If I thought about wanting a suitor for that purpose, is there someone at the front of the line?

That answer is yes. Someone I met in Tijuana, who is a nice guy AND a freak in the sack.  Hopefully, we will set up a date soon.  Our date last night was great fun.

So, I gotta wrap up some work and will spend the weekend in LA for Pride.

Tijuanarama Part 1

I am right now on the first of three visits to Tijuana

After a little over three months in the desert, it's good to be back.  Right now I will change and venture out to see what changed.

The trip down was uneventful, and right now I am regaining my Tijuana bearings.  I also need to do something very important. Put money on my cell account.  And eat something.  So, off I go!

Packing

Well, after a little over three months, I am leaving the Coachella Valley for a little while.

And let's talk about baggage.  Not relationship baggage, REAL baggage.

Because of my day trip to San Diego to get paperwork, I am headed back there with more baggage in that the paperwork I must keep as well as some hard disk drives that I am not willing to give away is coming back with me to my storage locker.  Although I will go back with only one pair of slacks, as far as shirts are concerned, I have managed to wind up with two fewer than I started and one less pair of socks.

I am looking forward to the time away.  It will give me a chance to plot my next move.  I really don't know where I want to settle down on a more permanent basis, but I can think about it as I run around SoCal over the course of the next week and burrow myself in Baja for an extended period of time.

And I am looking forward to tomorrow night because a date is in the cards!

So, I'm good to go, and just have to get out of here tomorrow morning.

Should I be Political or Silly?

How about both.
;
It looks like I am one for two in getting what I want.  You see I did not want to see Clinton vs. Bush again in 2016.  It now looks like Secretary Clinton has the nomination in the bag.

I saw a funny meme and now want to expand on it.  If you watch RuPaul's Drag Race, the end is when those in the bottom two find out who stays and who goes.  Here is my fantasy of RuPaul announcing how this is called.

Hillary Clinton.

The people have spoken.  Shante you stay!  Also, condragulations. You're the winner of the challenge and will face Donald Trump in November.  Good luck, and don't f--- it up!

Bernie Sanders

You brought a lot of new insights and made a formidable challenge.  The impact will be felt as we go forward.  Now, sashay away.

Now we slog to November.

Whee, no appointments tomorrow

Maybe I can actually get some work done.

It has started off as a long week with another LA trip. I also got a lot of mail taken care of, so that is good.

I am really looking forward to the rest of the month and two pride events.  I really need a little break from my current situation in order to plot my next move. The reality is I am looking forward to the adventure, even though I do not know the exact details.  Heck, there may even be a Texas trip as part of the adventure.

We shall see.

After midnight

Well, we are running a little late.  Working late on Sunday (now Monday) does that to you.

Right now, I am looking forward to the next chapter even though it will be hectic travel wise between the 9th and the 15th.  Life should be fun for a few days, then its on to the serious stuff like getting more clients and hours as well as making more plans for the future.

What I did not realize was that the run up to Thursday would be so hectic.  And I have a date Thursday Night.  Should be fun.

I have more to do, so off I go.

Here's to a quiet Saturday

Naah, I don't feel like going out.

Especially since next weekend I will be out all weekend in LA.

I'm actually looking forward to LA Pride.  I'll be out to have a great time and I won't feel as if I will being a duty dance.  Rick always wanted to go and I went with him, but between his mobility issues and his dementia, it was a duty dance for four years.  Last year, I didn't get to go, as Rick was close to the end.  I think that was the saddest one ever.  I decided not to watch it on TV because it would be just too depressing to watch.

That is probably why I celebrated both Dore Alley and Folsom.  Rick didn't care for either event, so I went alone.  It was a chance to celebrate and party without having to feel like a minder.  I'm glad that this year I'll get to do it at two different Pride events one of them being in another country.

It should be a blast.

The Home Stretch

Wow, only one more week of Omer Counting to go.

I find it a little hard to believe that, if we are being all halaklic about things, I will be relationship ready (yeah, right!) when the sun goes down one week from Monday.

If anything, the whole waiting period makes sense.  Here are two reasons.

First, I now realize that being honest about the fact I am a widower is the only way to go.  Because of my experience, I do not have the mindset of a single person, and I never will.  Also, suitors need to know what I am up against.

Second, it made me take a hard look at what I want (and don't want) in the next round.  Honestly, it would be more about love and companionship with bomb sex as the bonus.

And that reminds me.  I don't want to be with a prude.  Quick explanation.  One of the more memorable scenes in Sex and the City  is one in which they go to a tantric sex workshop to learn about the lingam massage.  As you may suspect, it focused on the facilitator teaching women how to please their male partner by masturbating him.  Rick's jaw dropped when the scene started and he asked me, "Is this REALLY on TV?"

"HBO," was my response.

His face turned red when the facilitator started on the guy's root chakra while explaining that, "Orgasm is not the goal of lingam massage, but can be a pleasant and welcome side effect."  His jaw dropped when the man ejaculated.

But enough about that.  Hopefully I can get the companionship and love I want - and LOTS of pleasant and welcome side effects.

Family dynamics

I wound up in a discussion about families and interventions.

Full disclosure:  The rest of this post covers a topic I am completely innocent about - relations between siblings.

The other party wondered why none of his sisters intervened when he was in a five year drug binge to say, "we're concerned."

Rick and his sister fought for 68 years, so no help there.  Furthermore, when it counted no one stood up to that woman, and told her she was doing the wrong thing.  No luck there for guidance.

Then I thought of the Amate.

He had a sister and a brother in the Bay Area.  I didn't get to meet the brother, who swore he would not have a maricon in his house.  But the Amate told me that his sister in law basically sat her husband down and said, "He's your brother.  I want our kids to get to know their uncle," which got her desired result.

I did get to meet the sister, and her son the Amate's nephew.  The Amate and his sister got along and the nephew basically idolized him.  His sister also was willing to play hardball with him when his drinking increased after he found out he lost his case to stay in the United States.  She basically told him to knock it off because her son needed an uncle to look up to.  When she found out I agreed and told him the same thing, I was in.

So, where am I going?

Here is where I am going.  Because I am an only child, I never will understand dynamics between siblings.  All I know is that all the battle royals between them make no sense to me.  I own the fact they never will.

I do wish they would all get along better, though.

One Week and One Day to Tijuana

Looking forward to it.

I really can use the break from the Coachella Valley right now.  I am looking forward to time in Baja especially since someone there wants to throw a belated birthday party for me.  That should be fun.

In other news, I think all my health insurance stuff may finally be straightened out and I will be able to go to the doctor for a check up (Hooray!)  And I client that I thought I lost is coming back (double hooray.)  So we will see what transpires over the next two months.

The saga continues.

Happy Birthday to Me

And this one was actually nice, quiet and low key.

I'm appreciative because this time last year, I was screamed at and hit by Rick.  I was angry about the whole thing because the birthday was one of those milestone ones.  I wanted to celebrate, and was put through hell instead.

But I got through that one and ultimately the aftemath.  Now I am away from all that.

The experience also made me realize my housemate's mother is right when she mentioned that one needs to count their blessings.  Her son was talking about all that was wrong in his live, and she rattled off all the things going right and said, "Count your blessings."

The response was, "But,"

And that was as far as he got because for about five rounds every time he said, "But," She said, "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!" as she rattled off more reasons why he should.

Needless to say, I'm not out to battle that woman.

Anyway, I am enjoying my birthday and hope for many more to come.

Farewell to the Calm Birthday Weekend

I don't care that Birthday Weekend this year was a wild, out of control celebration.

And I guess you do have to experience really bad stuff to appreciate good stuff.  In this case, last year's iteration of birthday weekend dealing with a man who was mentally falling apart and screaming at me.  That, combined with the issue of hitting the point where his care needs outstripped my capabilities, made the whole experience icky.

And I am beginning to howl about one subject.  Everyone in my dad's family swears I will be in a relationship again.  And I suspect they will confirm that my first college roommate was right when he said I was the marrying type.  My dad's family is full of avid gamers, and I suspect that they are making book with an over and under number related to the age of the man I will marry.

I have GOT to learn what that one is.

The long, long weekend

So, we are two days into a three day weekend.

I am enjoying the calm.  Last year at this time was so chaotic, and I am finally realizing what I went through over the past few years.  It was that rough.

I also am realizing it will take a little time to heal from the brutal first eight months of 2015.  Losing two people who I loved very much was hard.  I do cry when I am reminded of them, and have been doing a little more of that than in the past.  Probably because it is all starting to hit home now.

Other craziness.  I spoke with my cousin today, and I guess my family is making book on when I will pop up with some boy and declare I am madly in love with him and vice versa.  I guess that one started when I was in a picture with, "quite a few awfully young men," as my aunt put it.

I then explained that with regard to encounters with men in the date pool of Rick's grand nephew, I always ask up front if it bugs them that I am a maduro,  If it did, my feelings wouldn't be hurt, BUT i do want to know up front.

It's part of engaging in safe sex, which is much more than putting on a condom.

We have a date

June 9 more or less is when it is back to Baja for me - at least to set stuff up.  Afterwards it's LA Pride, an alumni event in SD and then Tijuana Pride.  After June 27, I don't know exactly what I am doing.

So at least there is some certainty until then.

In other news, I was reminded that today would have been the 78th birthday of one of my uncles.  What made me sad about the whole thing is I wish I got to know my relatives better.  Unfortunately, my late father's antics prevented that from happening.  This particular uncle played hardball with my father in that he made it quite clear that unlike what my father did, my uncle had no qualms about his son being gay.  The man also stood up for me by telling my father that he should have been busting his posterior off straightening things out with me rather than blowing me off saying I, "could not be located."  And yes, even in the late 1980s and early 1990s that would be complete BS.

I'm getting less and less angry about things, but still want to get to the bottom of what went down after I fled my parents and Texas so long ago.

But my birthday is on Tuesday and I am glad that this weekend is better than this weekend last year when I had to give the bad news that Rick's care needs outstripped my capabilities.  That was a very sad weekend.

But now, here's to future days.

Two weeks to go!

And I really can't believe it.

The good news is that Birthday Weekend this year is completely different from Birthday Weekend last year.

That was a living hell.  Rick's mental state was just getting worse and worse.  A lot of screaming and this time last year, I had to tell him that his care needs outstripped my capabilities.  I also set up an appointment to talk to someone about it.  It was really sad.  So getting set to start my summer off is nothing by comparison.  Everything is almost arranged.  The only outstanding issue is if I will buy replacement slacks from the Costco in Mission Valley or the Costco in Zona Rio.  The cost differential is not that great and this is one of those situations where crossing the border is not worth the hassle.

The clerk at Costco in Palm Desert howled when I told him I was going to Mexico.  I told him, "Don't worry.  I'll be shopping in Costco down there too!"  The clerk howled.

So all that I am waiting for is an exact date, and I might have to push the issue due to what is coming up down the line.

And I cannot wait to see mi escorpion again!

The Lag B'Omer Haircut and much more

Hooray, today is Lag B'Omer.

It is the only day during the Omer that you can get your hair cut.  So, I did.

I learned that the guy in Palm Springs who does my hair is moving out of the Fuck Pit (Resort, I meant RESORT) he set up shop in.  He should be in new quarters by August.  It really is interesting, because it caters to an older crowd that came of age in the 70s.  Even so, you can just imagine these guys imagining they are still in their 20s carrying on even though they are closer to retirement age.

It's actually nice to see. There is hope for all of us.

In other news, It looks like I might have a few dates lined up for LA Pride.  I will know more as time progresses.

Lastly, I have found something just as bad as de-gaying a house.  De-Costcoing a house.  What do I mean by that?  Well, my housemate's dad is coming to visit and housemate does not want suspicions aroused that a Costco Addict was living with him.  Which means we have to get rid of all the Kirkland Signature products that I have bought.

Guess who will be intoxicated?

Looks like I am heading back to Tijuana sometime next week.

Due to scheduling, it looks as if I will be headed back to Tijuana next week.

More news.  The trip to Guanajuato is off.  Health and logistics are not going well on that one and so the reunion has been scotched.  Sooooo, I am again toying with the idea of going to Guatemala.

I always promised the Amate I would visit.  The money won't be a problem (I'll earn it as I travel) and it would be a nice post pride break as I don't yet think I will go to SD Pride or the Del Mar Fair.  Then again, that might change if my new found corn fed Nebraska friend wants to go.

I think I'll see if he wants to have lunch and Hash House A Go Go before I trek to LA.

More to come.

Throw your hands up in the air, throw your hands up in the air.

OK, I had to intervene.

Housemate found a date to bring over.

Oh, ADD time.  I found out the extent Saturday Night was a disaster for him.  It seems the guy brought his drugs with him and only does PNP.

For the unitiated, PNP is slang for Party and Play.  It means that one can only have sex while on amphetimines.  From experience doing someone who is into it tends to be a mixed bag.  They are up, but they are not up if you know what I mean.  The date was told by the housemate no PNP and wanted to do it anyway an that was the end of the date.

I also think being a road hazard was involved.  This is because I borrowed housemate's car and the parking brake was not set.  Between driving a car with a standard transmission and living in San Francisco for 23 years it is ingratiated in me to ALWAYS set the parking brake.  So, I think he drove it to get his date to the Greyhound terminal to get him back to where he was.  How do I know?  He doesn't set the parking brake when he parks the car!  I also know he had a drink before driving.

OK, back to the story.  I was introduced and could tell that he wanted to get in the bedroom, have his drawers dropped and Do.  The.  Nasty.

Housemate wanted to chit chat.

It didn't go well.

Afterwards I told him, "I love you.  I think you can do better.  Let me wingman for you."

We will see how he reacts to the offer.  He isn't interested.

T minus 17 days and counting

Before I blow this joint for Tijuana.

Or, at least that is the ETA.  It may happen a little earlier.

For a lot of reasons, I am looking forward to the trip.  Much as I like the Coachella Valley, it has hit the point where I could use the change of scene.  I'm also looking forward to attending not one but two Pride events.  One of them, I will definitely be dateless, which should make LA Pride fun.

I am also going to Tijuana Pride.  THAT should be interesting, because it will be on what would have been Rick's 76th birthday.  The other interesting part is that it will be after Shavuot - when I get to be something resembling an eligible bachelor.  And I may have a date lined up.  AND if that doesn't work, I met a guy who could also serve as my date.

So, I have things to look forward to - and I will get about 300 Amtrak points.  BONUS.

About that last post.

Friday and Saturday were maybe a little too interesting.

Housemate found a date via an online app.  43 miles away.  And decided to pay for the Uber to get him over here.  Friday night seemed to go well for those two, and the intention was for him to stay for the weekend.

OK, he did ask me for some financial help while setting up the date, and I know why he did so.  If he had sold it to me another way, I would not have minded, but it was a little off putting.  So I meet the guy and it seemed to go well for them, however a combination of factors made me feel as if I was told, "Screw you and have a nice day."

So Saturday comes along.

I ping someone because of their handle, and ask a question related to it.

We engage in idle chit chat.

A scene is negotiated agreed to and I go off to participate.

On the way over, I am working on getting another date.

So, I do the scene and a good time is had by all in Palm Springs.

Because I had about 2 1/2 hours to kill before I knew if another date would work out.  I decided to hang out in Palm Springs.  I saw the latest in gadgets and gear, and went off to pick up some stuff I forgot during the last shopping trip.

On the way I stopped by a bar.

I met a guy, and he asked me if he wanted to play with me at his place.

I agreed.

Another good time was had by me, and afterwards I was starving.  So I got dropped off at the stop for the PS Buzz Bus and basically rode into Downtown Palms Springs in an Old School Party on wheels.  As I was starving I had dinner at a new (to me) place, and had nightcaps at Chill, Streetbar and Hunters.  At the third place I met this very handsome corn fed Nebraskan cowboy, and since he lived in San Diego, we exchanged numbers.

I headed home via Uber.

Once I got home I learned that the other guy left and headed back to Hemet because he came down from his drug induced stupor.  Or something like that.

I should have known I was in trouble when I started mentioning how my afternoon / evening went and was asked not to talk about how I went through so many substances over a seven hour period.  No, I didn't mention being in situations where there was lube and semen everywhere.  I didn't get to.

Today, I felt as if something really bad went down with that date, and the decision was made to give me the hard time over it.

Not good.

I have decided to take the approach that has worked for me the best on this one.  I will just act like the Japanese, let what happened happen and have the discussion about it tomorrow.  I do not think that anyone will be hung over, but the issue needs to be brought up.

With all that said, two good things came out of the experience.  I met two people who live in SD - one of whom I would like to hang out with some more.

More to come.

Victory. Is. Mine.

'nuff said.

Summertime

And plans are being made.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be having a fun summer (I hope)

I have to take care of a few things in San Diego before LA Pride and get a new FMM (visa) for Mexico.  Then I will hang out in Baja for a while, and then go to the  LA Pride extravaganza on the weekend of the 11th.  I will then return to Tijuana and hang out there throughout June (and go to the Tijuana Pride Parade.)  I will probably spend a good chunk of July back in Desert Hot Springs and head off to Guanajuato and a family reunion in August.

Once that trip is over, I think I will have my next move figured out.

But I have to get some other things taken care of right now, so I will dash.

We're going out tonight.

My housemate and I probably need to go out tonight, so we are doing it.

He made a point which I agree with.  It really is more fun to go out with someone than to do it alone.  He mentioned it when we hung out at All Worlds the other weekend and he's right.

So it's out to see what the world looks like and lord knows what else.

Film later.

Something tells me great minds think alike.

Specifically the minds of ALDI Nord and ALDI Sud.

I am not close enough to a Trader Joe's (ALDI Nord) to feed an addiction to their Avocado's Number Guacamole.

There is an ALDI in Palm Springs near where I had to run an errand at FedEx Office.

They sell guacamole.  Like Avocado's Number it is five avocados mashed up and spiced up in one package.  It also tastes about the same, and I suspect they use the same supplier.

Did I mention I enjoy seeing German Engineering at its finest there?  What really impressed me about ALDI is that they brought their packaging standards to the US so that the boxes do double duty as shelves.

And another aspect of both ALDIs in the US reminds me about Rick.  You see, most of what they stock is their own brand.  Because it is their own brand they have bigger margins.  Rick understood it and really backed off when I mentioned why grocery stores REALLY want you to buy the house brand of a product.

Now, if Soriana did a better job of recognizing that they would make more money by putting some effort in making a product that exceeded the quality of a national (in Mexico) brand, they would give me fewer frequent shopper points and have greater margins.

As an aside here is how good a job Costco does on this one.  In San Francisco I saw a mom lecture her son in either Mandarin or Cantonese (my ear is not that good to recognize the difference.)  In essence she chided her son for spending good money on a national brand of an over the counter when the Costco house brand is just as good.  He was done for, and Costco managed to get greater margins out of him because he took the advice of his Mom.

And speaking of Costco, I need to go there tomorrow.

Halfway there.

OK, we are halfway through the count of this Omer thing.

So far, so good.  It is interesting to take a few minutes to reflect.

I think that by the time Shauvot arrives, I will have taken the needed time to reflect and maybe, consider, thinking about the idea of entering into a relationship with Lucky Seven.  I do know I want one thing in the relationship.   A little honesty, because it goes both ways.

The real deal is this.  There are two people who have managed to get in the front of the line.  I have told each of them about the other.  They know what is going on and it is OK with them.

I also know a little something about myself thanks to one of them.  I now know that I cold not live with someone I did not love or care about.  I'd rather live alone.

Anyway, there have been too many interruptions and I need to get back to work.

The results are in about Austin Texas!

And they don't look good.

As you know, I did a throw down asking two specific people to give me ten reasons as to why I should think about considering the idea of possibly moving there at some point in time (like when hell freezes over.)

I got the results.

The first person who I asked to respond to my throw down said, "do you really think I would encourage anyone to move to Austin? The last thing Austin needs is more people! If anything, I would encourage people who recently moved here to leave -- especially those who don't keep Austin weird."  Obviously he is acting like that class of San Franciscan who wishes San Francsisco was just like the way it was when they first arrived during either the Summer of Love or its 70s Gay Mecca phase.  In short, he belongs to the class of people who need to grow up and realize things change.  What is really strange is that he perceives himself as some alternative hippie type even though he has  corporate job as a technical writer and has been in the same job for 23 years (more or less.)

The second one is not on Facebook because it has too many triggers.  No, I don't understand.

I ended up calling her with the throwdown challenge.  She said, "We're trying to figure out how to get out of here once your niece graduates high school."

So that leaves me to determine that the winner of the challenge is my Aunt, who made a case for my moving there.

Props to her for that!

A placeholder post

White guys, Austin, TX and much, much more are forthcoming

Tomorrow.  I promise.

Alumni Graduation Speech Two of Two.

It was ten years ago that I got my Master of Science Degree in Insurance Management from Boston University.  Because 20 years elapsed, the whole experience was different, and if I presented an alumni speech to the future alumni of BU, I would say something like this:

 Good afternoon.

I would like to thank President Brown for the introduction and remarks. I would also like to thank all of those involved in planning this event for thinking of me when it came to deciding which alumnus would receive the honor of participating in the last chance to give you, my soon to be fellow Alumni, some words of wisdom and advice.

I find it hard to believe that it was ten years ago, I was sitting where you were sitting. It was an important milestone in my life because getting my graduate degree was something I always wanted to do – and it took me 20 years to do it.

During that 20 year post receiving my Bachelor of Arts degree period, A lot of things happened.

• I had a first job that did not work out.
• I was told by my parents, “Leave and don't ever come back,” and said, “Bye.”
• I froze in Denver Colorado.
• I fell in love.
• I endured a nasty breakup.
• I moved to San Francisco
• I fell in love again.
• Seven years after graduating, I got a job in a field that became a career.
• Fourteen years after graduating, I got two professional designations.
• After all that, I got accepted into BU's Master of Science program in Insurance Management, and participated in another graduation in 2006.

Somehow over the course of 20 years, the dream didn't die. And I hope your dreams don't die too. That being said, you probably have expectations on how your dreams are going to manifest themselves. I can assure you that things won't happen the way you planned them to happen. The bad news is life isn't a straight line. The good news is that you right now are ready, willing and able to meet the challenges ahead and achieve whatever dreams, hopes and goals you aspire to right now. You will also be able to tell one heck of a story about the path to your dreams.

And please make an effort to achieve them. No one wants to hear you lament that you didn't do something – especially when you have a chance to do so. Case in point, if my late partner quit lamenting about not finishing college and actually did something about it, he would have gotten his degree!

But I would like to expand on my commentary about him. Right before my graduation, he had two rounds of emergency surgery related to his having Stage 2 Colon Cancer. Of course he wouldn't miss my commencement for the world, and managed to endure a six hour flight from San Francisco to Boston to watch the extravaganza. At the time that was not an easy task as he was still recovering from surgery, but he did it.

And became one of my heroes for it. I appreciate it and hope you appreciate the heroes in your life that have gotten you to this point and the ones you will encounter beyond this point.

One last piece of advice. Recognize and appreciate things can, must and will change. My long term relationships have evolved over the years, and the people who I have known for a long time are totally different now then when I first met them – and that is a good thing. I have also experienced a major change in that my partner died ten months ago. I embraced the opportunity to move and experience a new life – and am a better person for it. I hope you are able to do the same when you encounter major challenges.

Thank you all for taking time to hear me ramble on. I appreciate the opportunity and will put this event as one of the highlights of my BU Experience, which I hope you enjoyed as much as I did. Lastly, to my soon to be fellow alumni; to quote RuPaul, “Good luck, and don't f--- it up!”

Alumni Graduation Speech One of Two

It wasn't 30 Years ago today, but this year marks 30 years since I graduated with my BA from Trinity University.  It got me to thinking, what would I say to the Class of 2016 as a  Alumni Speaker.  I think this is what I would be saying to them as I participate in one last shot at giving some lessons / wisdom before they go out and embark on the next chapter of their lives:

 Good morning.

I would like to thank President Anderson for the introduction and remarks. I would also like to thank all of those involved in planning this event for thinking of me when it came to deciding which alumnus would receive the honor of participating in a final opportunity to impart some lessons on my soon to be fellow alumni.

Thirty years ago, I was sitting where you are now, very happy to graduate. I was also very happy once I received my diploma for two reasons. First off, it was the culmination of three and one half years of effort. Second, for the two months preceding the date, I was enduring relentless dizzy spells (maybe a bad case of Vertigo.) The second I got the diploma in my hands, they stopped.

At the time there was a song by a group called Timbuk 3 titled, The Future's So Bright. The last part of the refrain was, “The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.”

At the time that was what I thought. I had a job waiting for me in Dallas that I thought would work out. Yes, I managed to get one during my dizzy spells and looking back probably should have waited until after I graduated to look for a job. Of course, it did not work out and I returned to Houston to live with my parents.

Then the other shoe dropped just in time for Christmas. The Reader's Digest version of the story is that my parents found out I'm Gay, and said, “Leave and don't ever come back.” There was only one thing to do at that point, and that was say, “Bye.” It was a very traumatic situation, and something I did not ever want to repeat.

Hopefully your first year after graduation will not be the disaster mine was.

But there is a lesson learned here. Life sometimes doesn't turn out the way we want it to. Here is where it gets Trinity related. First, for the year after that when I was freezing in Denver, CO; I looked at my class ring often and reflected on my time here and how it was a very good point in my life. Memories of how good the experience at Trinity was helped me get through that year when things started getting better. Second, I used what I learned at Trinity to facilitate things getting better.

In Colorado, I took a stab at getting my master's degree. Looking back, that was a very bad idea because I was not prepared to perform such an undertaking. I should have spent more time healing. Needless to say, the effort was a complete and total failure. That, along with a nasty breakup was motivation to end the chapter of my life in Colorado and start a new one in California.

Which brings me to my next point. If you have not already done so, you will fail spectacularly too. And that's okay – if and only if you learned some lessons from the failure, combine it with other things both Trinity and life has taught you and apply it to the next challenge.

It's about now, you are probably wondering if my post – Trinity life was nothing but gloom and doom. Well, it wasn't. A year after moving to San Francisco, I met someone and fell in love. I also got a career started seven years after my graduation which has served me well to this day. It was a great 24 years there and gave me the foundation to start a new life in Southern California / Baja California which I am enjoying very much. I feel fortunate that I am where I am at today – especially since it was a bit of a rough ride in the first years after Trinity to get to this point.

One last piece of advice I would like to impart on you. Things can, must and will change. I am reminded of that one on this visit to the Trinity campus as the Miller Fountain has been relocated, where I lived has been renovated and there are new and improved buildings everywhere. I'm sure that 30 years from now, Trinity will be markedly different when you (and hopefully me) visit. You will change too, and hopefully for the better. And to the parents and families who are celebrating along with my fellow soon to be alumni, I would like to assure you that these young men and women have a great foundation after studying here. Commencement was a jumping off point for the rest of my life, and I did jump off with a solid foundation.

And to my soon to be fellow alumni; to quote RuPaul, “Good luck, and don't f--- it up!”

Let's talk about Austin, Texas.

36 years ago, I was in Tenth Grade.

For the most part, my classmates resembled the class of people I had been classmates with since the Sixth Grade - bratty, rich kids who were not fond of the fact a Little Brown One was in their midst and made no bones about making that one apparent.  Confederate flags everywhere did not help matters.

Everyone wanted to go to the University of Texas at Austin.  I didn't want to be anywhere near them (which was my main driver for my ultimately winding up at Trinity University.)

Then I went to Austin a few times while I was in college.  With one exception (that is a story in and of itself) I found it to be a place where everyone was pretending not to be a redneck - even though deep down inside they were.  Did I mention people didn't (and still don't) acknowledge that the Interregional Highway (I-35) cuts through the city to reinforce the divide between The Right People and everyone else?

When I visit my darling nephew and niece who live there, I bite my tongue as I observe people pretend that they are in some liberal oasis in the middle of Texas.  It really is anything but.  Between the existing rednecks and tech bros (and their hangers on) who are either Anglo or honorary Anglo (that's Asian for the rest of you) the attitudes of their denizens really have not changed that much over the years.

Fast forward to last weekend.  Uber and Lyft paid good money to put a referendum on the ballot challenging the Austin City Council's regulations on the matter.  They lost and decided to abandon the Austin market.  Someone at National Review called Austin second rate for saying no.  I put the article on my Facebook with my comments on how Austin is overrated.

I got a reaction from a former suite mate.  It was a rant rather than a case for saying Austin really is what the hype is all about.

The throw down is coming.

I'll tell you the results.

Pre Pride Wanging and Chunging in LA

I had an interesting day driving from Desert Hot Springs to LA with my housemate running errands on his behalf.

First off props to the housemate.  He is a better passenger than Rick for this sort of thing.  Although he brought along tunes, he made it a point to bring ones I liked.  He also was for the most part the polar opposite of Rick when he was in the passenger seat.

Rick was constantly freaking out as I was driving with the flow of traffic (about 80 - 85) and letting the maniacs do their thing.  And there are some real maniacs on the road.  He also commented, "You drive like you live here."  I took that as a complement.

The housemate is too busy fiddling with the media player on his iPad, but here is what makes him the bestest passenger of all.  He actually opens the Coke for the driver so the driver can pay attention to the task at hand.

Anyway after a few really crazy days, I think I can put my nose to the grindstone and play catch up.

That should be fun.

Growl.

I have been battling Upwork.

It seems that their latest timekeeping application has hiccuped and refuses to communicate with the server.  There is now a partial resolution, but I was the one who figured out how to make a temporary fix.

I guess what is really galling me is that these people don't understand the principle of walking out working like the cell phone company does.  In any language, I have no problem with going in, and walking out with a working phone.  It seems that Upwork will just let a problem drag on and on and not really focus on solving it, even though I called phone support just to achieve this.

Sigh.

Hopefully all will be well on this front soon.

Wish me luck.

I should not have watched that video.

The story starts when Rick rode in Pacific Electric streetcars with his grandmother as a child when they went to Los Angeles in the late 1940's and early 1950s.

Ultimately Pacific Electric's rail network was dismantled and it wasn't until the Blue Line (not to be confused with the Big Blue Bus) came into being that LA had a rail system.

Fast forward to the late 1990s and early 2000s.  Thanks to Precious Sister, I was made to feel unwelcome amongst Rick's family.  Sooooo, a deal was cut.  When he visited his family, I did something else.  Sometimes that something else was Wanging and Chunging in LA.  We made it a point to fly home together from San Diego.

In many of these cases, I got around LA via city bus and rail.  The day before I was supposed to meet Rick, my routine went something like this.

• Check out of hotel.
• Take 4 or 304 (this was before the 704 Rapid) bus down Santa Monica Blvd to the Vermont and Santa Monica Red Line Station.
• Take Red Line to Union Station
• Take Pacific Surfliner to San Diego

Rick was a little envious of my taking this trip (although not at all surprised that I could get around LA on public transit.)  He never got to ride on the Pacific Surfliner and had not been inside Union Station in eons and wanted to do the trip with me one day.

Fast forward to 2014.  The Trip From Hell thanks to Precious Sister shooting her mouth off at me.  Although I was in a rage (to put it mildly) we spent one night in West Hollywood as that was part of the trip and it was already paid for.  This meant taking the La Cienega exit from the 405, and crossing under the Expo Line.

Fast forward to today.  In ten days, the extension of the Expo line to Santa Monica will open.  Today was a press preview day as Metro puts the finishing touches on the expansion.  I watched the news report thinking nothing would happen.

WRONG!

I was crying afterward.  If Rick were still alive, he would want to take a ride on the grand opening just to see what it was all about, and enjoy the fact that what is old is new again.

Which confirms one decision I made with regard to social media dating.

I disclose on my profile that I am a widower.  And I am realizing that I made the right choice because it is very, very different from being single.

Victory. Is. Mine.

OK, as a Relational Database Management System, LibreOffice Base sucks.

And it ties up resources so I cannot use the other features to get work done.

So I told the Client that I would migrate the whole mess to MySQL at no charge.  The reason for that was because I am unfamiliar with the program (I know SQL, but not the little ways of MySQL.)  Three days later, I have set up my first production MySQL database.  What a project.  That said, I will remember how to do it for the rest of my life and can add knowledge of MySQL to my resume.

A couple of takeaways here.

First, you CAN teach an old dog (particularly this old dog) new tricks.  I feel I have done my part to bust the Silicon Valley Myth that anyone over 25 is unable to adapt to new realities.  Millenials who are taking their parents advice (or is that grandparents) to never trust (or hire) anyone over 30 should take note.  But I don't think they will.

Second, my housemate thought I sounded like a white guy when I mentioned why I was soooo happy.  Umm, since when was figuring out computer stuff a white only thing?  I started my career in insurance in the IT shop, and lived and breathed SQL and Visual Basic for seven years.  During this time I got my CPCU and one of my IT colleagues said, "You do realize you can basically write your own ticket and live life on your own terms."

Then again, Rick got it right one day at the doctor, when he remarked, "I have no idea what he does to earn a living," whilst at Stage 4 of dementia.

I chuckled and mentioned to the doctor, "Actually no one has a clue as to what I do for a living," and told him of some of the projects I was involved in.

Finally, "I Will Survive," should be my theme song.  I managed to get this thing done even though I started one notch above zilch.  I have also manage to make it since my parents told me, "You are a sick pervert.  Leave and don't ever come back," at age 22.

Which means that today I asked G-d for the ability to forgive my mother, or that the wounds heal with the passage of time.

Yes, Mother's Day was a rough one for me.  But not as rough as the one Rick went through when Precious Sister called his Mom an  alcoholic after she put her order in to go to a restaurant where she could have a glass of wine with lunch.  According to Rick's blow by blow, both him and his mother were upset over that one, and they went out to salvage the day.

Maybe we need a happier story.  The Mother's Day after his mom died was fun.  We went to church, and afterwards went out to lunch and enjoyed seeing the day celebrated the SF way.  Gay guys taking their moms out, and kids of Lesbian moms doing the same thing.

Of course, I washed that one down with a Greyhound.

My Old School

I grew up in Houston, Texas and went to Robert E. Lee High School.

Yes, there were Confederate Battle Flags.

Last year, the Houston Independent School District's Board decided that the name needed to be changed along with the names of a few other schools named after heroes of the Confederacy.

Because Billy Gibbons went there, I was hoping for ZZ Top High School.   That would really give people apoplexy because a lot of ZZ Top songs cover themes that are beyond PG.  And this is Texas.

But a drill team doing its stuff while the band plays, "Legs," would be interesting.

That said, if the Trustees approve the measure on May 12, the school will be renamed, "Margaret Long Wisdom High School."

At least the timing is perfect. The replacement building should be up and running in time for the new school year.

Technical difficulties

If it isn't one thing it is another on the technical difficulties front.

First, my using LibreOffice Base to solve problems hit major snags which means doing it in MySQL.  Someone is getting a lot of free work, BUT I will probably never forget how to set something up in MySQL - A good thing.

Then my phone froze.  With the help of a YouTube video, I unfroze it. - A good thing.

There is an outstanding issue about a file not properly uploading.  The bug has been reported, but I haven't heard anything.  What is strange is that the application is used 24/7 by people who freelance and need to get paid.  The culprit is a timesheet.  You would think the customer service would be 24/7 as well.  Sigh.

Maybe I will solve the problem before they do.

And I am getting the administrative stuff done - A good thing.

See a thread here?  I have gotten more and more zen like about stuff that goes wrong.

And I know why.

Because Rick died at home, I was the one who first noticed that he was dead.  I said the appropriate prayers, made a keriah tear in my shirt and got the ball rolling on disposition of Rick's remains.  At that point, I also realized that going forward, hiccups, problems and whatnot are nickel - dime stuff when it comes to the big picture.

So, I am just plugging away at solutions.

And five more weeks to go.

It's Just So Wrong

As my bank account got replenished today, I did some shopping at Wal Mart in Palm Springs and Costco in Palm Desert.  To get from Wal Mart to Costco, you go down Dinah Shore Drive.

I was driving a Honda.

If I am driving down Dinah Shore Drive,  I expect to hum, "So make a date today, and see the USA, and see it in a Chevrolet!" instead of, "Follow the leader.  He drives a Honda."

But this misadventure also reminds me of two things that entertain me about the area.  First, I am in the land where we have Dinah Shore Dr.,  Bob Hope Dr., Kirk Douglas Way, Gene Autry, Tr., and other streets named after figures from Hollywood's past.  In one way, it's campy.  In another way it's cool.

The other thing is that in Mid Century Modern Palm Springs, there are people who drive cars of the same era as daily drivers.  In most cases, the cars are well cared for and the owners love to receive complements.  I am thinking of doing the same thing, but I will make sure they did the environmentally correct R134a conversion for the air conditioner.

What did you expect? we are in California.

German Engineering.

Here is your weird factoid of the day.

The only place in the world where Aldi Nord and Aldi Sud compete against each other is the United States.  In their native Germany, Nord has the northern half (and Trader Joe's products because it owns Trader Joe's in the US) and Sud has the southern half.  This was after a spat between Albrechts over selling cigarettes in the store.

Palm Springs has an Aldi.  Cathedral City has a Trader Joe's.  I think you would come out even on a grocery run.

There is, however, one big difference.  Aldi makes its suppliers engineer the box in such a way that it does double duty as shelving.  I find it to be German Engineering at its finest, and it fascinates me as much as the time Mercedes - Benz rolled out the 1981 S Class models with a power seat controller shaped like a car seat.

Microaggressions

One of the blogs I follow is that of David Tuttle, who is the Dean of Students at my Alma Mater Trinity University.  It seems that one student group wanted a speaker to provide another perspective on my least favorite subject - microaggressions.

I have a vague idea of what one is because of one question that is asked of me by Anglo folk in the US when they look at my business card with a middle and last name that is obviously Spanish and ask me, "What country are you from?"

As I understand this, this can be construed as a microaggression.  The rationale behind it being a microagression is that the question is asked out of malice in that a Latino working in some sort of professional capacity could not possibly be from the United States (and how did having to encounter a Latino guy in our precious All Anglo All the Time Enclave happen in the first place?)

As I also understand it, I should call the asker on it and scream that they are nothing less than a complete bigot and afterwards run away and cower into my nearest safe space.

Really?

I just answer the question honestly.  I say, "Texas."

That shuts them up real fast.

We are now resuming our regularly scheduled programming.

But first, let's talk about the fact that I am basically a cheapskate.

For a long time in my early adulthood, I was basically broke, and living a hand to mouth existence.  I learned how to live on very little money, and to this day I am not really all that materialistic.  And that aspect was amped up big time as I dismantled the apartment.  It really is just stuff.

That being said, I got my arm twisted by my housemate to spend the weekend at All Worlds / Inn Exile in Palm Springs.  

OK, it was a little pricey, but we had a good time there.  And I learned that we see eye to eye on the idea that you don't do stuff like that alone.  Although it would SOUND as if it would be a good idea in light of the fact many people go to engage in NC-17 activity with strangers, it's really not the case.  First you need to compare notes.  Second a wingman is useful in this situation.

My housemate and I sleep in separate bedrooms, but I will also admit to one thing.  I like sleeping in the same bed with him!  It is a nice feeling (especially since damnit he is a great guy who is nice to cuddle with.)  Worst case scenario, I got practice in sleeping with others.

And it was probably worth the money because we both needed the break.

Just a quick hi.

Yes, I missed Thursday and Saturday.

Right now I am thrilled that I am sharing a bed with an attractive man.

More later.

The Wonderful World of Work

Well, the work situation is starting to improve.

I picked up a new client for a data analytics project which means I will be billing five clients this week, which is about all I am willing to handle right now.

I feel like I am on the bleeding edge of a paradigm shift here.  After several false starts and needing time to get my life together I got a real job with a career path.  There was a social contract that if you did the work and put the effort in, the company would help you achieve your goals.  The company even paid me to become both a Chartered Property Casualty Underwriter and a Certified Insurance Data Manager.  Lastly for the CPCU conferment, they even paid for Rick's airline ticket.

They also shrunk their headcount by about half by the time I left and are now at around 40% of the headcount that existed when I first worked there.  I was one of the casualties.

As Rick got sicker, full time opportunities dried up.  When the Great Recession Hit, I had a job running a training department that was half time, and I was grateful because  I could go to all the doctor appointments.  I was then stringing a life of gigs that resulted in one year of two contract jobs from a warm place were the contract staff were definitely treated like fecal matter.  In the latter one, I was sacrificed to the God of Executive Bonuses and, believe me, the last day there was the happiest day of my life.

Since then I have swung from vine to vine and gig to gig.  It was a great deal as Rick fell apart.  And right now I am honestly still sorting things out.  I also learned the hard way, should one gig fall apart, I am not that badly hurt because I am doing other gigs too and having multiple income streams is a great way to manage the risk of loss of income.

So, here is hoping things will get better on that front.

Bisexuality

How the heck did this topic come about?

Well, the housemate had an NC 17 rated encounter with a man who is married to a woman.  As I understand it, the other party is still living with (and is married to) his wife and two kids, and is only sticking around because he does not have the ability to go off on his own.

I asked, "Does she know?"

The Party Line from the guy is that his wife knows he likes boys too.  I don't know the ground rules of that relationship, but it got me to thinking.

First, I have seen on various dating websites the line, "I'm married and my wife doesn't know."  Instant turn off for me - especially when one of them tries to negotiate a scene with me in which his wife catches him in the act.  Needless to say, I turned that guy down.

The first question I have for these guys is, "Why haven't you hashed this one out with your wife?  Do you not have the stones to do it?"  It may be a dealbreaker for the marriage, or it just may be a matter of hammering out some ground rules, and the latter just may be better for the relationship.

I have two examples.

Example numero uno:  I was at Rage in West Hollywood and was dancing with this guy.  Afterwards, I was having a drink and his wife said, "I saw you dance with my husband.  I'm here with him because it is his gay night and I had nothing planned so I decided to tag along."

Example numero two-o:  I was at Martuni's on Fourth in San Diego.  I'm not sure what this guy's deal was, but he was mentioning at the bar that he thought he could get into men if they had vaginas.

I said, "Where IS Buck Angel when we need him?"

After the explanation of who Buck Angel is and some more chatting, just when they were about to leave, he said, "and I don't know if I could make out with a guy with a beard."

I said, "Let's find out," and made out with him.

I don't know who enjoyed it more.  Him or his wife!

In both cases, it was obvious that the relationships were, for the most part healthy.

Rick and I had an understanding regarding my extracurricular activities and in light of his impotence cut a deal with me which got modified in a way that I got the unsolicited permission slip to have an Amante, which I wound up doing.  So I understand that you can have a healthy relationship with full disclosure of things like this.

It also made me appreciate a recent lunch date where my date brought a wing man in the form of his husband of 20 years.  As a result, I had a subsequent with the date in his playroom (MASSAGE STUDIO! I SAID MASSAGE STUDIO!)

Anyway, I hope all of you in relationships are communicating well so that they can be healthy and fun (or retain the fun in dysfunctional.)

Travel Plans

For a lot of reasons, I will be on the road for a good chunk of June and possibly July.  I know I will be going to LA Pride, and I decided that I will celebrate what would have been Rick's 76th birthday by going to Tijuana Pride.  After that, who knows.  I have not heard any plans about San Miguel de Allende.  I also think that depending on the timing I just may go to Guatemala.

Since I started dating the Amante, Guatemala has been on my bucket list.  I want to see where he grew up, and maybe get some of the insights about him I never got when he was alive.

One thing I do know was that he was making sure I was being realistic about the whole thing.  That started when he gave me the news that it looked like ultimately he would be deported due to myriad immigration issues.  I mentioned that when I came up for air, I would make it a point to visit him.

A few days later, I mentioned to him that Guatemala will not let me drive there on my California drivers license without an International Driving Permit accompanying it.  You can get it at your friendly, neighborhood AAA office for $15.00.  He realized that I was serious about it and asked the important question.

"Could you handle being in a place where they killed a cow, butchered it and sold the meat immediately?"

I just said, "I'm willing to try."

So we shall see how scheduling works out.

Reflecting

One thing I have done a lot of since last July is reflect where I have been and were I want to go.

As part of that, I have thought about the six significant relationships I have had that were important in my life:

• The first relationship, simply because it was the first relationship. It was on and off for four years and the breakup sex was amazing.
• The second relationship, because it happened when I went through a bad patch.  It only lasted about three months, but he was the rock I anchored to when I needed a port in the storm.  Did I mention I had the best grades in college that term?
• The third relationship, because I learned something about in laws (or is that outlaws) and that I was not the only one with issues related to family dynamics.  I also learned about how distance changes things.  I also learned a little about couple dynamics.  It lasted nine months with a session my being on the receiving end of mercy sex a year after that (I was just told by my parents, "Leave and don't ever come back.")
• The fourth relationship because I learned it was OK to only be worth 99 Cents.  I also learned a lot about why one does not make others play with less than a full deck, and how nice daily sexual activity with someone you love can be.  It lasted two years after I knew him for one year; and, honestly, I did not recognize the significance of the relationship until 17 years later when Karma turned the tables on me and I was in my ex's shoes.  It took another six years to work up the nerve to call him up and apologize for my role in not understanding everything and how it contributed to the breakup.  In case you were wondering, yes I definitely had too much to drink before that call.
• Rick.  23 years of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly means that we could outdo War and Peace for what I learned.  I got a lot out of the relationship up to the very sad ending.  It was a ride I would not trade in for the world.
• The Amante.  I knew him for three years before we dated.  He taught me how you need to find joy in life in spite of it all, as he was going through rough times at the same time I was.  His death was a preview of what was to come when Rick died.

I still cry over the deaths of both Rick and the The Amante.  Whoever becomes Lucky Seven will have to realize that one.

But here is the good news for Lucky Seven.  He won't be a replacement for any of them!

Omer Time

Well, not quite.  It is Erev Passover and before it starts, I thought I would dash off a quick note.

It's been a while since I last posted for a lot of reasons.  Some are good, but most of it has been due to my laziness.  I am in Desert Hot Springs until June basically hanging out with a good friend (more on that later.)

So, why am I starting up again now?  It's a long story, but it starts with Jewish perspectives on how long a guy should wait before remarrying.  Women have this one easy, they only need to wait 90 days after their mate dies to remarry.  The waiting period for men is a little longer in that they have to celebrate Sukkot, Passover and Shavuot before they can remarry.  This means it can be anywhere from about six months to over a year depending on the date of death.

I've been through Sukkot, Passover starts in less than two hours and one counts the 49 day period between the first day of Passover and Shavuot and gives a daily blessing.  I also want to celebrate I got through the waiting period that seemed to feel right for me.  I decided as part of the celebration, I would join our Jewish brothers and sisters in counting up the Omer.  I also decided in the spirit of using the Omer to reflect, I am going to post every day except for tomorrow and next Friday which will cover the Yom Tov periods in Passover where you are not supposed to be on the computer blogging.

So, let's start the journey.  Shall we?