The Wonderful World of Work

Well, the work situation is starting to improve.

I picked up a new client for a data analytics project which means I will be billing five clients this week, which is about all I am willing to handle right now.

I feel like I am on the bleeding edge of a paradigm shift here.  After several false starts and needing time to get my life together I got a real job with a career path.  There was a social contract that if you did the work and put the effort in, the company would help you achieve your goals.  The company even paid me to become both a Chartered Property Casualty Underwriter and a Certified Insurance Data Manager.  Lastly for the CPCU conferment, they even paid for Rick's airline ticket.

They also shrunk their headcount by about half by the time I left and are now at around 40% of the headcount that existed when I first worked there.  I was one of the casualties.

As Rick got sicker, full time opportunities dried up.  When the Great Recession Hit, I had a job running a training department that was half time, and I was grateful because  I could go to all the doctor appointments.  I was then stringing a life of gigs that resulted in one year of two contract jobs from a warm place were the contract staff were definitely treated like fecal matter.  In the latter one, I was sacrificed to the God of Executive Bonuses and, believe me, the last day there was the happiest day of my life.

Since then I have swung from vine to vine and gig to gig.  It was a great deal as Rick fell apart.  And right now I am honestly still sorting things out.  I also learned the hard way, should one gig fall apart, I am not that badly hurt because I am doing other gigs too and having multiple income streams is a great way to manage the risk of loss of income.

So, here is hoping things will get better on that front.

Bisexuality

How the heck did this topic come about?

Well, the housemate had an NC 17 rated encounter with a man who is married to a woman.  As I understand it, the other party is still living with (and is married to) his wife and two kids, and is only sticking around because he does not have the ability to go off on his own.

I asked, "Does she know?"

The Party Line from the guy is that his wife knows he likes boys too.  I don't know the ground rules of that relationship, but it got me to thinking.

First, I have seen on various dating websites the line, "I'm married and my wife doesn't know."  Instant turn off for me - especially when one of them tries to negotiate a scene with me in which his wife catches him in the act.  Needless to say, I turned that guy down.

The first question I have for these guys is, "Why haven't you hashed this one out with your wife?  Do you not have the stones to do it?"  It may be a dealbreaker for the marriage, or it just may be a matter of hammering out some ground rules, and the latter just may be better for the relationship.

I have two examples.

Example numero uno:  I was at Rage in West Hollywood and was dancing with this guy.  Afterwards, I was having a drink and his wife said, "I saw you dance with my husband.  I'm here with him because it is his gay night and I had nothing planned so I decided to tag along."

Example numero two-o:  I was at Martuni's on Fourth in San Diego.  I'm not sure what this guy's deal was, but he was mentioning at the bar that he thought he could get into men if they had vaginas.

I said, "Where IS Buck Angel when we need him?"

After the explanation of who Buck Angel is and some more chatting, just when they were about to leave, he said, "and I don't know if I could make out with a guy with a beard."

I said, "Let's find out," and made out with him.

I don't know who enjoyed it more.  Him or his wife!

In both cases, it was obvious that the relationships were, for the most part healthy.

Rick and I had an understanding regarding my extracurricular activities and in light of his impotence cut a deal with me which got modified in a way that I got the unsolicited permission slip to have an Amante, which I wound up doing.  So I understand that you can have a healthy relationship with full disclosure of things like this.

It also made me appreciate a recent lunch date where my date brought a wing man in the form of his husband of 20 years.  As a result, I had a subsequent with the date in his playroom (MASSAGE STUDIO! I SAID MASSAGE STUDIO!)

Anyway, I hope all of you in relationships are communicating well so that they can be healthy and fun (or retain the fun in dysfunctional.)

Travel Plans

For a lot of reasons, I will be on the road for a good chunk of June and possibly July.  I know I will be going to LA Pride, and I decided that I will celebrate what would have been Rick's 76th birthday by going to Tijuana Pride.  After that, who knows.  I have not heard any plans about San Miguel de Allende.  I also think that depending on the timing I just may go to Guatemala.

Since I started dating the Amante, Guatemala has been on my bucket list.  I want to see where he grew up, and maybe get some of the insights about him I never got when he was alive.

One thing I do know was that he was making sure I was being realistic about the whole thing.  That started when he gave me the news that it looked like ultimately he would be deported due to myriad immigration issues.  I mentioned that when I came up for air, I would make it a point to visit him.

A few days later, I mentioned to him that Guatemala will not let me drive there on my California drivers license without an International Driving Permit accompanying it.  You can get it at your friendly, neighborhood AAA office for $15.00.  He realized that I was serious about it and asked the important question.

"Could you handle being in a place where they killed a cow, butchered it and sold the meat immediately?"

I just said, "I'm willing to try."

So we shall see how scheduling works out.

Reflecting

One thing I have done a lot of since last July is reflect where I have been and were I want to go.

As part of that, I have thought about the six significant relationships I have had that were important in my life:

• The first relationship, simply because it was the first relationship. It was on and off for four years and the breakup sex was amazing.
• The second relationship, because it happened when I went through a bad patch.  It only lasted about three months, but he was the rock I anchored to when I needed a port in the storm.  Did I mention I had the best grades in college that term?
• The third relationship, because I learned something about in laws (or is that outlaws) and that I was not the only one with issues related to family dynamics.  I also learned about how distance changes things.  I also learned a little about couple dynamics.  It lasted nine months with a session my being on the receiving end of mercy sex a year after that (I was just told by my parents, "Leave and don't ever come back.")
• The fourth relationship because I learned it was OK to only be worth 99 Cents.  I also learned a lot about why one does not make others play with less than a full deck, and how nice daily sexual activity with someone you love can be.  It lasted two years after I knew him for one year; and, honestly, I did not recognize the significance of the relationship until 17 years later when Karma turned the tables on me and I was in my ex's shoes.  It took another six years to work up the nerve to call him up and apologize for my role in not understanding everything and how it contributed to the breakup.  In case you were wondering, yes I definitely had too much to drink before that call.
• Rick.  23 years of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly means that we could outdo War and Peace for what I learned.  I got a lot out of the relationship up to the very sad ending.  It was a ride I would not trade in for the world.
• The Amante.  I knew him for three years before we dated.  He taught me how you need to find joy in life in spite of it all, as he was going through rough times at the same time I was.  His death was a preview of what was to come when Rick died.

I still cry over the deaths of both Rick and the The Amante.  Whoever becomes Lucky Seven will have to realize that one.

But here is the good news for Lucky Seven.  He won't be a replacement for any of them!

Omer Time

Well, not quite.  It is Erev Passover and before it starts, I thought I would dash off a quick note.

It's been a while since I last posted for a lot of reasons.  Some are good, but most of it has been due to my laziness.  I am in Desert Hot Springs until June basically hanging out with a good friend (more on that later.)

So, why am I starting up again now?  It's a long story, but it starts with Jewish perspectives on how long a guy should wait before remarrying.  Women have this one easy, they only need to wait 90 days after their mate dies to remarry.  The waiting period for men is a little longer in that they have to celebrate Sukkot, Passover and Shavuot before they can remarry.  This means it can be anywhere from about six months to over a year depending on the date of death.

I've been through Sukkot, Passover starts in less than two hours and one counts the 49 day period between the first day of Passover and Shavuot and gives a daily blessing.  I also want to celebrate I got through the waiting period that seemed to feel right for me.  I decided as part of the celebration, I would join our Jewish brothers and sisters in counting up the Omer.  I also decided in the spirit of using the Omer to reflect, I am going to post every day except for tomorrow and next Friday which will cover the Yom Tov periods in Passover where you are not supposed to be on the computer blogging.

So, let's start the journey.  Shall we?