You Mean This Isn't a Cosmo Quiz?

No, but I stumbled on this little ditty from HuffPo titled "9 Questions to Ask On A First Date, According to Divorce Lawyers." The article has nine questions posited by divorce attorneys as well as rationale for answering them.  Here is a summary, along with my answers:

Question	What the Question is REALLY Asking	My Answer
When was the last time you talked to your siblings or parents?	How close are you to your immediate family?	I’m an only child and my dad is no longer amongst us. Unfortunately, I am estranged from my mother, and have been for a long time. That said, I do communicate with my extended family mainly via Facebook.
Do you believe in happily ever after?	Will you do the work in a relationship?	A qualified yes. It takes quite a bit of work to get to that point and it is not a given.
Are you married?	Are you married? Seriously, there are a lot of people out there seeking new relationships when they SHOULD be putting their energy in winding up old ones that have reached their expiration date. Also there are the players out there who have a spouse at the home you may wind up wrecking if you continue.	No, I’m a widower.
What do you love most about your job?	Are you a workaholic? Do you hate your job?	Mainly that I have a little flexibility in my life. I would not have been able to go to San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato three times this year if I was stuck on a schedule. Yes, I did have to drag some work down, but I was there and not trapped in some cubicle.
Where did you go on your last vacation?	How did you pay for your last vacation?	I spent a weekend hanging out in the Westin Bonaventure in LA and going to the LA Car Show. I always wanted to check out the hotel, and when the Priceline Express deal revealed that one, I jumped for joy in Union Station
Do you know who Johnny Carson is?	How old are you?	Can we talk? I’m sorry he didn’t make up with Joan Rivers.
Do you consider yourself a good communicator?	Do you consider yourself a good communicator	I hope so. I’m paid to deal with irate people all day and figure out how to solve their problems.
How did your last relationship end?	Was the ending of your last relationship your fault, their fault or some combination of the above.	Death did us part.
If you could go back in time, what’s the one thing you would change about your life?	This can actually be a great conversation starter	I would have not wasted a year after I graduated from college remaining in Texas. I would have fled ASAP, probably for California. Texas was going through a hard time economically as oil prices crashed and I was having major problems finding work. I wound up moving to Colorado and, although that did not have a happy ending it did lead to my eventually moving to California where I have been content for 28 years come February.

Hmmm.  Interesting answers, no?  I hope I don't sound too flaky.

And now, back to work.

Happy 2019

Here is a special post to wish you all a happy, healthy, safe 2019.

2018 in Review

Well, this is the second NYE I am spending in the desert.

It came about thanks to my housemate's antics resulting in his parents insisting I come back or a for sale sign was going to be put on the house due to his bad behavior.  I agreed and when I got a check, I headed for the desert and except for one weekend in LA and SD, I have been here.

Everyone wants to ask one question.  WHY?

It was because I didn't want to see a housemate and friend of four years homeless.  I do have a soft spot in my heart for him and didn't want to see him wind up in a REAL bind.

That said, here is my 2018 in review.

Successes:

• I spent more time with my family this year.  Between three trips to Guanajuato, one to Austin and one to Ontario, CA.  Those who say I have no more excuses on that one are right.  With that said, I am looking forward to my nephew's graduation in May.
• I made Diamond status for Wyndham Rewards.  I didn't think that would happen at the beginning of the year, but it did.  Will I take advantage of it next year?  Good question.
• When I went to the LA Auto Show this year, I wound up staying at the Westin Bonaventure.  I've always wanted to and the best part about that adventure is that a date wound up being thrown in!

Let downs

• I endured a string of bad luck / unfortunate happenings in Tijuana and San Diego in October.  I was thrilled when that chapter ended, but it was a relatively unpleasant time.  To make matters worse, finances were very tight during that period.
• Some tax issues came back to haunt me at the worst possible moment.  OK.  My bad.  I also promise to straighten them out, but being broke in another city is no fun at all.
• I had to switch MDs because although I still have the same health insurer, the plan is different and has a different set of providers.

The jury is out, so stay tuned

• I found out I cannot get on PreP because I flunked my blood test.  I have some kidney issues.
• I agreed to see if a relationship should be taken to the next level, which means I will be in Houston, TX at the end of January.

Resolutions for 2019

• Bill more hours
• Lose enough weight to go under the 200 lb barrier.
• Clean up my finances

So, goodbye 2018 and happy 2019.

Holiday letter time

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time to get Xmas letters out.

Part of that ritual entails going through the email list with the aim of eliminating names that bounce and updating names and numbers.

One of the names and numbers that is still in my list is that of the Amate.  I haven't deleted even though he hasn't been amongst us for four years come January. 

I wish that relationship didn't end the way it did.  I will always wish that I did not have to see his body in a cheap, tacky suit in an equally tacky casket.  That was probably the roughest funeral I went through.  Trekking to Guatemala to see how a deported version of him would be was the preferred outcome, but things don't work out the way we want them to.

I still miss him at times.  He was a great sounding board when Rick had his first stroke and was willing to be the teddy bear I needed during that time (and he HATED being cuddled.)

The craziest conversation on that subject was about baby food.  They weren't sure of Rick's swallowing abilities at first and advised that I should brace myself for the prospect of having to make baby food for him. 

He said, "Making baby food is easy.  My sister made it all the time and I sometimes had some."

It turned out to be unnecessary, but the offer of help and advice on what makes great baby food was appreciated.

That said, after almost four years, it's probably time to delete his number and I am going to do that.

Let's see what else Holiday greetings produce.

Another day. Another money beg.

Someone in the desert is broke.

After paying for cannabis and booze so he could have sex with the love of his life, he spend $80 on an Uber so the guy could make a court date in Riverside for a DUI hearing.

He also found out a tank of gas costs $40.

He asked me for money this morning and more money this afternoon.

OK, I'm spending it hanging out in Insurgentes Sur where it's not quite over the top (that prize goes to Polanco) but close enough for this mission.  Dinner at Sushi Itto.  Another late lunch in an amazing food court.  That sort of thing.  The money he is begging for has higher and better uses.

One of them is enjoying life.  And in Mexico City that is something you can easily do.

Besides, I'm worth it.  Don't you think?

Besides I need a rain slicker and two bills need to be paid.

So, it's off to Costco.

That should be fun.

Snowballing

I was reminded of this term yesterday and this morning.

In dementia caregiving the term defines what happens toward the end as everything seems to happen at once.  You hit the point where you spend a lot of time in hosptials and nursing facilities and if it isn't one thing, it's another.

I always say it took Rick eight months to die and the process started when he was told that they could not fix what was wrong with him.  It went from learning about that to quitting taking meds to a stroke to a nursing home to home care to psychotic rages to a shutdown process.  From the stroke in March to the end it was one thing after another bam bam bam.

I'm also reminded of the theory that if people want to do on last thing while they are alive, they hold out until it is accomplished and then dodder off to Valhalla.  I saw it happen with Rick and holding out until after an aunt and uncle came to visit.  I also had an uncle who managed to live to see his grandson born and died three days later.

The father of a friend of mine passed away.  It seems he wanted to see his kids together one last time and arrangements were made for a visit.  The day two of the kids were to head home, he died after an extended illness.  According to my friend, it all happened very quickly.

He is in shock dealing with it all and, honestly, I wish I could be there with him in Manila if only to serve as a teddy bear to comfort him.

The funeral's Thursday, I'll know more about things later.

More later.

Pulling Geographicals

I've been following the Senate hearings regarding Brett Kavanagh and the accusations of sexual assault that will be aired next week.

One thing I noted is that the accuser has trekked from Maryland, to North Carolina to California and, overall, she has lived a good life between the time the alleged assault happened and the time it came out.  She also basically kept he details to herself for 35 years.

People who know me know one of the reasons that I live in Tijuana / San Diego now is that I was told by my parents, "Leave and don't ever come back."  I don't give out gory details simply because it is too painful to talk about still.

But what I do talk about is the fact that afterwards, I could not stand Houston, Texas and wanted to get the hell out sooner rather than later.  That's why right after Christmas I wound up freezing in Denver, CO that year.

I did it because I had to get away, and looking back I think that move saved my life.  Ultimately winding up in San Francisco was great for me both personally and professionally, and I am now in an intriguing metropolis that has potential.

I'd rather talk about that than that horrible day when my parents decided I was to be thrown away.

And Rick would not be surprised that Tijuana is my new happy place.

Oh, yeah.  Happy Sukkot.