2018 in Review

Well, this is the second NYE I am spending in the desert.

It came about thanks to my housemate's antics resulting in his parents insisting I come back or a for sale sign was going to be put on the house due to his bad behavior.  I agreed and when I got a check, I headed for the desert and except for one weekend in LA and SD, I have been here.

Everyone wants to ask one question.  WHY?

It was because I didn't want to see a housemate and friend of four years homeless.  I do have a soft spot in my heart for him and didn't want to see him wind up in a REAL bind.

That said, here is my 2018 in review.

Successes:

• I spent more time with my family this year.  Between three trips to Guanajuato, one to Austin and one to Ontario, CA.  Those who say I have no more excuses on that one are right.  With that said, I am looking forward to my nephew's graduation in May.
• I made Diamond status for Wyndham Rewards.  I didn't think that would happen at the beginning of the year, but it did.  Will I take advantage of it next year?  Good question.
• When I went to the LA Auto Show this year, I wound up staying at the Westin Bonaventure.  I've always wanted to and the best part about that adventure is that a date wound up being thrown in!

Let downs

• I endured a string of bad luck / unfortunate happenings in Tijuana and San Diego in October.  I was thrilled when that chapter ended, but it was a relatively unpleasant time.  To make matters worse, finances were very tight during that period.
• Some tax issues came back to haunt me at the worst possible moment.  OK.  My bad.  I also promise to straighten them out, but being broke in another city is no fun at all.
• I had to switch MDs because although I still have the same health insurer, the plan is different and has a different set of providers.

The jury is out, so stay tuned

• I found out I cannot get on PreP because I flunked my blood test.  I have some kidney issues.
• I agreed to see if a relationship should be taken to the next level, which means I will be in Houston, TX at the end of January.

Resolutions for 2019

• Bill more hours
• Lose enough weight to go under the 200 lb barrier.
• Clean up my finances

So, goodbye 2018 and happy 2019.

Holiday letter time

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time to get Xmas letters out.

Part of that ritual entails going through the email list with the aim of eliminating names that bounce and updating names and numbers.

One of the names and numbers that is still in my list is that of the Amate.  I haven't deleted even though he hasn't been amongst us for four years come January. 

I wish that relationship didn't end the way it did.  I will always wish that I did not have to see his body in a cheap, tacky suit in an equally tacky casket.  That was probably the roughest funeral I went through.  Trekking to Guatemala to see how a deported version of him would be was the preferred outcome, but things don't work out the way we want them to.

I still miss him at times.  He was a great sounding board when Rick had his first stroke and was willing to be the teddy bear I needed during that time (and he HATED being cuddled.)

The craziest conversation on that subject was about baby food.  They weren't sure of Rick's swallowing abilities at first and advised that I should brace myself for the prospect of having to make baby food for him. 

He said, "Making baby food is easy.  My sister made it all the time and I sometimes had some."

It turned out to be unnecessary, but the offer of help and advice on what makes great baby food was appreciated.

That said, after almost four years, it's probably time to delete his number and I am going to do that.

Let's see what else Holiday greetings produce.

Another day. Another money beg.

Someone in the desert is broke.

After paying for cannabis and booze so he could have sex with the love of his life, he spend $80 on an Uber so the guy could make a court date in Riverside for a DUI hearing.

He also found out a tank of gas costs $40.

He asked me for money this morning and more money this afternoon.

OK, I'm spending it hanging out in Insurgentes Sur where it's not quite over the top (that prize goes to Polanco) but close enough for this mission.  Dinner at Sushi Itto.  Another late lunch in an amazing food court.  That sort of thing.  The money he is begging for has higher and better uses.

One of them is enjoying life.  And in Mexico City that is something you can easily do.

Besides, I'm worth it.  Don't you think?

Besides I need a rain slicker and two bills need to be paid.

So, it's off to Costco.

That should be fun.

Snowballing

I was reminded of this term yesterday and this morning.

In dementia caregiving the term defines what happens toward the end as everything seems to happen at once.  You hit the point where you spend a lot of time in hosptials and nursing facilities and if it isn't one thing, it's another.

I always say it took Rick eight months to die and the process started when he was told that they could not fix what was wrong with him.  It went from learning about that to quitting taking meds to a stroke to a nursing home to home care to psychotic rages to a shutdown process.  From the stroke in March to the end it was one thing after another bam bam bam.

I'm also reminded of the theory that if people want to do on last thing while they are alive, they hold out until it is accomplished and then dodder off to Valhalla.  I saw it happen with Rick and holding out until after an aunt and uncle came to visit.  I also had an uncle who managed to live to see his grandson born and died three days later.

The father of a friend of mine passed away.  It seems he wanted to see his kids together one last time and arrangements were made for a visit.  The day two of the kids were to head home, he died after an extended illness.  According to my friend, it all happened very quickly.

He is in shock dealing with it all and, honestly, I wish I could be there with him in Manila if only to serve as a teddy bear to comfort him.

The funeral's Thursday, I'll know more about things later.

More later.

Pulling Geographicals

I've been following the Senate hearings regarding Brett Kavanagh and the accusations of sexual assault that will be aired next week.

One thing I noted is that the accuser has trekked from Maryland, to North Carolina to California and, overall, she has lived a good life between the time the alleged assault happened and the time it came out.  She also basically kept he details to herself for 35 years.

People who know me know one of the reasons that I live in Tijuana / San Diego now is that I was told by my parents, "Leave and don't ever come back."  I don't give out gory details simply because it is too painful to talk about still.

But what I do talk about is the fact that afterwards, I could not stand Houston, Texas and wanted to get the hell out sooner rather than later.  That's why right after Christmas I wound up freezing in Denver, CO that year.

I did it because I had to get away, and looking back I think that move saved my life.  Ultimately winding up in San Francisco was great for me both personally and professionally, and I am now in an intriguing metropolis that has potential.

I'd rather talk about that than that horrible day when my parents decided I was to be thrown away.

And Rick would not be surprised that Tijuana is my new happy place.

Oh, yeah.  Happy Sukkot.

Good Boy / Bad Boy

The description of the Good Boy / Bad Boy issue is that someone wants to live with Good Boy and have sex with Bad Boy.

I got hit with the issue when requested to drop everything, go to Palm Springs and drive to LA and back so that the guy having sex with Bad Boy can get a check.

Ain't doing it after the unreasonable demands made while doing Bad Boy.  Besides. I want to make a little boy happy and get some stuff done.

And I need to figure out how I am getting to MEX.

And I am enjoying Tijuana.

More on that later.

The New Standard of Clueless

Someone has yet to realize that the opportunity to make a little boy happy vs helping someone who, at best, decided to engage in bad behavior towards you and allowing the love interest to do same is a really tough choice.

NOT!

So, look out, little boy.  Someone is buying you a drink soon.

But I am finding out the person who engaged in bad behavior has a new problem.

He's been financially cut off, as I no longer have a reason to help with gas, groceries and utilities.  Spending money on all those Ubers and drinks to show off his, "trophy," has now come back to haunt him.

Wonder what the Bank of Mommy and Daddy will think of that.

Meanwhile, I will be spending tomorrow playing catch up.

Should be more fun then hearing that, "It's love."

Six days later

So, I left the antics in the desert behind on Monday.

Everyone is doubling down on that end as the whole mess / train wreck continues.  Last time I checked, the beloved left for Palm Springs on the bus and after the house mate got his pot, he Ubered his way to Palm Springs to look for him only to be called selfish for not bringing the pot.  House mate then Ubered back empty handed and launched a money beg as he is broke - again (Do you need to wonder why?)

Let's just say that for a few dollars more I made a little boy happy as I took Rick's great nephew out for Mexican Independence Day.  And I had fun.  Uber surge pricing wasn't pretty, but I was a Mexican about it knowing that Independence Day comes once a year and it is the time to celebrate and drink and party.

I hadn't been to Fusion in years, but it has shaped up, and I had a great time.  I did not get home until three in the morning, and paid the price over the next two days.

On to planning the next chapter of the trip.

It came back to life

For some reason, the touch pad on my laptop decided to quit working Yesterday as I escaped to San Diego and worked on getting a little work done.  Now it works again.

Meanwhile, I am wondering how the hell I got through being a witness to the date that looked more like a train wreck than a date.  And guess how I was reminded how pathetic the mating ritual was? 

You got it!  I hooked up via dating app this afternoon.  Quick.  Efficient.  Job got done.  He was a nice guy.  A little muscle relaxant and I was good to go.  No.  Drama.  Required.

And no begging for money for batteries and booze.

Take note.

Happy 5779

OK, this blog has been neglected.

I really want to do a better job of chronicling my adventures, and with the New Year in the Hebrew Calendar, it's time to resolve to do a better job on this blog.  That means a post a day except if it's Yom Tov time.  And, of course, never during Shabbat.

I'll guess a good starting point is to say hell froze over and I got something right.  Efforts have been made to get me to move to the desert permanently.  I was not sure if that was a good move, so I kept my San Diego / connections.

THAT was the right call.

I promised to do a house sitting gig that was supposed to last two weeks.  I spent a little time before the event and planned on extending things afterwards.

But the housemate met someone.

And this someone has an interesting trajectory.  He is on his third relationship and has kids. 

And is dealing with DUI charges which he blames on his current husband who is abusive, so he cannot drive.

And he is still living with his husband.

And he has a mouth combined with an alcohol problem - not a good combination and I got singed by those sparks.  To make matters worse, the housemate basically told me to lump it.

And housemate asked me to take this show to LA - thrice.  The second time was in the middle of the night and the third time was basically shoved down my throat.

And he wanted me to come up with money so he could take his, "trophy," out.  He did it anyway and is now broke, which meant a money beg.

I had to take care of a few things in San Diego, and something came up, so I headed back today knowing that the thing that would be worse than dealing with this for a year would be dealing with this for a year and a day.

I do have a duty dance in the desert, and will attend to that, but otherwise, San Diego / Tijuana is the base for the foreseeable future.

So, time to get stuff done and get some rest.

As I await the answer, I'm reflecting.

For some time after Rick died, I used the trite term, "I'm not ready for a relationship," do describe my position on being in one.  And at the time it was true.  I wasn't ready to go into another relationship because I still had to recover from the two that ended when death did us part.

I'm getting there on the recovering part, and have processed a good enough chunk of the grief to where I can ponder the idea of being in one again.  I also have been on enough dates to clarify that the person who wants me to live with him full time Ain't.  Getting.  His.  Way.  Why?  Here is the aunt - approved explanation.  He won't crawl into bed with me, manipulate me to his liking so I am positioned in what is a satisfactory position for him, and do it all with a stupid grin on his face.  When that was done to me, I truly enjoyed it.

Another turn off, to me are those who live a life in the closet.  A love interest of mine referred to me as a co worker to his family to my face!  This is AFTER I told a colleague in his presence that I was out on a date with him!  I didn't give a flying you know what about what people thought I did in the sack since I was 18 (although I didn't highly publicize it.)

That said, the reality may boil down to this.

• I need a man who will be there through the good and the bad, supportive of all my hopes and dreams, and provide comfort to get me through my fears (I know that is a two way street.)
• I need a man who excels at the stuff I suck at (Very important.)
• I need a man who want me to be financially OK (Hard to find.)
• I need a man who will rock my world in the sack (Also important and believe it or not hard to find.)
• I need to make sure each of the men I have just described do NOT know that the other three exist (Actually, maybe I should just do polyamory and make sure everyone is playing with a full deck.  And maybe have a polyamory party and invite all involved.)

We shall see.

18th of Tammuz

Well, The Three Weeks are here again.

So, once the sun goes down, it will be the third anniversary of Rick's death according to the Hebrew calendar based on the official time of his death.

I have always wondered if dying during The Three Weeks has any special significance.  Sooo, I just went to Chabad.org to ask the rabbi for help on this one.

I'll let you know what the answer is.

Nicaragua is baaaaack

When I was an undergraduate in college, Central America was hot stuff.  Daniel Ortega was in charge in Nicaragua and the FMLN was attempting a final offensive in El Salvador.

I also took a class with a professor who believed that Daniel Ortega was the best thing to happen to Nicaragua since sliced white Wonder Bread.  Disagreed about Daniel Ortega, but I still respected his point and where he came from on the subject.

He is no longer amongst us, but there is now a fund in his name that will give stipends to undergraduates who want to spend the summer working on social justice.  Yes, I would give to the fund if I had the money.

This all is happening at a time I am wondering if what is old is new again.  You see, my favorite article about Nicaragua was written for Westword who covered the first election that toppled Ortega.  The writer drove from Colorado to Nicaragua to cover the election and gave a version outside of the mainstream media.  It was a statement for alternative journalism.  Muck was raked.

And now we are faced with people who want the man out of office again.

I'm not surprised.

619 + 858 = 1

The geographic boundary between the 619 and 858 area codes will disappear soon

On May 19, 2018 if you are in the geographic area that covers the 619 or 858 area codes, you will have to dial all ten digits.  One month later the two area codes will cover the same area.

I thought of Rick when I was reminded this is happening.  The poor dear did not understand that even when I was in San Diego, he had to dial the 415 to get me on my SF based cell phone.

Wonder what he would think of my having both a US and Mexican cell number.

Actually, he would not be at all surprised.

New goal.

The doctor says I have to lose a lot of weight.

As part of that I hope to lose 20 lbs before the next appointment in May.

It can't be that hard.

Can it?

Wow what a busy few weeks

Now that I have come up for air I have time to play catch up.

I participated in more family antics two weeks ago in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato, Mexico.  One of my cousins got married and I went down for the wedding.  I knew it would be interesting when my nephew was making inquiries as to if I was coming down because he wanted someone to hang out with.

Then his mother (another cousin) asked if I could pry into if he broke up with his girlfriend.

I didn't have to.

At the bachelor party, he was occupying himself by playing with the Cougars in the bar. 'Nuff said.

It turns out that he did break up with his girlfriend of four years. 

Anyway, the trip was a success.  My cousin was very happy to see me as were my nephew and niece.  I took them out to lunch, and my nephew and I went through two bottles of tequila on the trip.  My cousin saw how I roll when I got morning coffee with her at Oxxo.

The next family gathering is in Austin, TX and I have a commitment in Guadalajara and want to go to Puerto Vallarta.  It will happen, but logistics are in the air.

Should be fun.

Honor Thy Mother and Father

It's one of the big ten.

And today is the 20th anniversary of my father's death.

The man who made it quite clear he wanted his gay kid out of the house pronto.

The man with the arsenal I thought he would use to commit an honor killing.

The man who caused me to burn my bridges and leave Houston.

The man who made sure the cousins on my mother's side got a little something from my grandmother while I got zilch because, thanks to his antics, he could say that I was unable to be located.

I could say more, but I think you get the idea.

Oh, yeah.  He beat me up on occasion.

There, we're done.

So what to I do?

I ask G-d to understand my feelings on the matter, and give me the strength to either forgive or let the wounds heal with the passage of time.

And we go from there.

Post 151

OK, I know I should have gone woo hoo with Post 150.

So, here is to post 151.

Really enjoying this round of the Town and Country.  It is turning into my San Diego favorite, and the fact I am in a Tower Room this time is icing on the cake.  I have realized that I get off on all the mid century architecture.  As I understand it, there are paperwork issues with the renovation, but when that is done, I think the result will be smashing.

Anyway in 30 minutes I should stop eating as I am going to the MD and never know if they want to do blood work.  After that round, I don't have to go back until June.  I know, I know.  I have to lose weight, so if you see dispatches from Tijuana Total Fitness, you will know I am making an effort.

Speaking of that. As I am outgrowing my quarters, I have delayed searching as I am in San Diego waiting for a check.  After that, off to San Miguel de Allende.  Then Palm Springs.  Then Texas.  In June it's off to Guadalajara and Puerto Vallarta as the Palm Springs housemate has found love and put his order in for introducing the guy to me.  That is in Guadalajara and after all that travel, I think I could use some beach time, sooooo, I am forcing the issue.

Look out Hotel Mercurio, here I come.

Lent week 2

A lot of this week was spent thinking about my family dynamics.

My cousin is getting married on the 16th and I am flying down to Guanajuato to witness The Wedding of the Year in San Miguel de Allende.  I'm looking forward to seeing relatives.

What it reminds me of, though, is how my late father destroyed my developing relationships with members of his family through fighting and whatnot.  I am realizing at this stage that he basically screwed me out of an extended one with the way he fought with them.  I now realize is is one of the reasons why I wound up freezing in Denver after being told to leave and not come back.

I'm now told I have no excuses when it comes to family gatherings.

My relatives are right about that one, so I will do a better job by going to this gathering and my niece's graduation in May.

On to the next round.

One week down for Lent

OK, the first week of reflecting is over.

Right now, it looks as if long term in the Desert won't happen.  The housemate has fallen in love and when his beloved comes up in November, I will keep a good, safe distance away so they can develop it.  In the meantime, there are things that need to be done on that end that I will be wrapping up.

In the meantime, a check of my liver hasn't revealed anything earth shattering as far as abnormalities based on a very preliminary report.  There are two appointments and one round of lab work left before the final report.

So, I guess I'm working toward a goal of having a plan by Easter.

And I'm looking forward to Guanajuato.

Well, this weekend didn't go according to plan.

And that is a good thing.

One extra day in Palm Springs due to circumstances beyond my control means one fewer day in San Diego which is  a real money saver, and it's back in TJ on Thursday for a birthday party.

And then there is the issue of dealing with not one but two long weekends in as many months.

In the US this is a three day weekend.  Exactly one month from now, it's a three day weekend in Mexico and I need to be somewhere during that time.  And here is the latest rub.  I have no idea right now if I'm getting a good airline deal.

You see, if you are in the US, and want to have a price quote for a domestic Mexican flight, it's in USD.  The only way I know if I'm getting a good deal is if I see the fare in MXN because that is how I have been seeing it over the past two and one half years.  In addition, the airlines seem to quote prices at an unfavorable rate.

This means I will have to wait until I am on a Mexican server to get the best deal.

I'll let you know how that works out.

The Funny Valentine's Day

This year, Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday have intersected.

It was an interesting run up to this point.  I spent the last weekend of Carnaval in Palm Springs with the housemate, and celebrated with friends the end of the season now just feel out of sync now that Lent has started.  I spent the day getting laundry done and sleeping.  Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

I also started Passover Cleaning with my laptop bag.  No real surprises here.  The real fun will be with my storage locker in which I need to make sure I dig out my TAP card (LA transit systems) and Clipper Card (Bay Area transit systems.)  There's money on both of them and I thought I would need the former while on the road this round.

More adventures to come.

The rest of Xmas and a bizarre trip

The rest of the trip to Houston went well.  I got to see a decent chunk of relatives and ate and drank way too much.

Then there was the trek home on Greyhound.

Between a string of delays, a driver that turned back and other irregular operations, I arrived in San Diego 17 hours late.  The pleasant surprise was in San Diego when I bought a pass and it worked on the last bus scheduled for Thursday as it left 12th and Imperial on Friday morning.  I dragged through an MD appointment and basically collapsed Friday night.

Then there was the trip to Palm Springs.

It was basically doing a favor for the former roommate in the desert.  It was not on my agenda to have sex with him.  It was not on his agenda to have sex with me.

We had sex.

The dynamic will be interested in that we both are interested in men who are some distance away.  Houston for me, Guadalajara for him.  It will be interesting to see what develops as those relationships develop.

So, right now, I'm in Tijuana waiting for a few things to happen.  Once they do, it will be interesting.