About San Bernadino

After one month in Desert Hot Springs in a situation that ultimately did not pan out, I decided to hang out in Tijuana until I start another trek to Texas in a week.

As timing would have it, I was at the Otay Mesa border crossing when the San Bernadino mass shooting aftermath was in full swing.  Which means I am reading all the articles and editorials about the incident in a city where you see the Mexican army out on patrol M-16s at the ready.  Also, everyone asks me about my personal safety here.

First off, about my personal safety.  Tijuana is a place where using your Urban Survival Skills is essential.  Also you need to put that smartphone away if you are walking.  The sidewalks are really dangerous here and if you are not careful you may trip, fall and really hurt yourself.  So, yes, I do feel safe here.  It's another story, but I also find it amusing that the slogan on police cars here is, "Working to serve you better!!"

With that out of the way, I think it's really scary that the US is a country that will not lift a finger for whatever reason to address the fact that someone with issues can go out, obtain an arsenal of assault weapons, and go out and massacre people.  The most Republican politicians can offer in the US is the now trite, "thoughts and prayers for the victims."

And Democrats are not doing much better.  They should be screaming at the top of their lungs that something needs to be done because it is imperiling the security of the United States.

So, when is action going to be taken on this one?

Haircuts

For the first time since July, I got my hair cut in the US.

No, that does not mean my hair was so shaggy it was out of control.  In the interim I got my hair cut twice in Mexico.

The first instance was related to the quincañera I went to.  Rick's grand nephew offered to cut my hair when I told him I needed one, and I got to meet his family in the process.  The whole thing went well and it was interesting that I got my first ever juried haircut.  Between his aunt, his nephews and the dog barking its comments, the young man's job was thoroughly evaluated.

The second time was equally interesting in that I got it done at a high end barbershop in Tijuana.  I was a little sticker shocked at the price, but he did a really nice job and I would go back in a heartbeat.

Which comes to this version.  It was good, but if you thought I got sticker shock with the haircut in Tijuana, the one in Palm Springs really sticker shocked me and reminded me as to how much farther the money goes in Mexico.

So, we will see where I get it done next.  The US or Mexico.

Now That I Am In the Same Place for A While ...

I can catch up on this blog.

First off, Happy Halloween.

Second, I have completed the Heritage Tour that encompassed US and six Mexican states.

One birthday celebration, two reunions and hanging out at the beach were the orders of the day.

And some work.

So, what I will do is spend the next few posts recapping the trip.

Right now, however, I am getting ready to go out for Halloween for the first time in who knows how long.  When I lived in San Francisco, it wound up being downright unsafe to be out on Halloween because Halloween in the Castro was so out of control.  Now that I am in the Coachella Valley, it should be calmer and a friend and I will be venturing out to see all the adult ghosts and goblins in Palm Springs.

Enjoy your Halloween, whatever you do.

Day Three of the Heritage Tour

When I discuss my trip that will take me to San Antonio, Piedras Negras and Mazatlan; I refer to it as the Heritage Tour.  The intended start date of the extravaganza was to be next Wednesday.  I also intended to start the trip in San Diego, California.  Instead, it started on Wednesday in Desert Hot Springs, California.

If there is anyone to blame for that one, it would by my amate.  You see, he completely flaked on a date.  In the process, I met and spent some time with someone who was engineering a move from Little Elm, TX (It's a suburb of Dallas) to Palm Springs, CA for health reasons.  We exchanged Facebook info and communicated that way for quite some time.  He also spent time with me in July 2014.

Fast forward to now.  I am based in San Diego and he in Desert Hot Springs.  I spent time with him last week and he asked if I could see him after my trip ended.  Since all that means is that I enter the US at Mexicali instead of Tijuana as intended, I said yes.

So, here I am in Tijunana hanging out and taking care of a few things before I get on the combination of the Pacific Surfliner and Sunset Limited to go to San Antonio.

More to come.

Missing Radio Shack

The demise of Radio Shack created a problem for me last week.

I needed a USB cable that attached to a mini (not micro) USB plug so my camera and laptop could communicate.  In the not too recent past, that would have meant a trip to a friendly, neighborhood Radio Shack to get the appropriate cable.

No longer.

It meant that when I was in San Diego, instead of walking or taking the bus to the Radio Shack in Hillcrest, I had to trek to Fry's Electronics to get the cable, and I was glad I was consolodating the task of getting a Six Dollar Cable with three other errands and had a time constraint the justified my trekking around San Diego in a BMW X1 thanks to Zipcar.

Are you listening Hillcrest Ace Hardware?

Anyway, the camera is ready, willing and able to trek on the Grand Heritage tour with me in October.  What was on the memory card is now on a travelogue and I have room for 1,200 pictures for my Heritage Trip.

Now, if only I can get my bank on board.

I found out I am a lifetime member of the club.

Yesterday, I came back to the US after a fun filled week in Tijuana.

I am now in San Diego and yesterday on the Trolley I met a woman who was with her kids and husband.  She mentioned that he was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

I told her how my heart went out to her, because I had dealt with Rick's dementia for four years.  I also gave her a sympathetic ear when she mentioned how cruel the disease is for everybody involved.  It was really a sad moment hearing her tale of woe and realizing when she wheeled her husband off the Trolley the kind of hell she is going through as her husband's cognitive function fades away more and more because I have been there.

The encounter made me realize how much the experience of going through the Dementia Journey has redefined who I am, and, to an extent, what I want out of life.  I also now realize that going through it is now a part of who I am.

Now that I have done some soul searching it's time to fold laundry, work until Monday Night Football comes on.

One month later

Well, it's been a month since I left San Francisco.

Good news: I'm happier.

Bad news: I still haven't found a place.  I have decided to deal with that issue after my trip in October to San Antonio and Mazatlan.

Two things are standing out.  First, I don't miss San Francisco in the least. That was reinforced when I read a story of a cyclist participating in Critical Mass terrifying a motorist as he damaged her car.  I'm glad I am outta there!

Second, I didn't realize how much I would be reminded of Rick now that I am down south.  It's mostly along the lines of either, "Rick would love to be doing this," or, "Rick would roll his eyes in the back of his head because I am doing this, and not be at all surprised."  With regard to the latter, I now know where to get a great Philly Roll in Tijuana!  Now all I need to do is find a good Dim Sum place.

But before I do that, I need to get some water, get some work done and venture out to watch soccer all night.

Quincañera review.

So, I should give a review of the main event of last weekend.

It was fun.  I got to socialize with the family of my date and THAT gave my Spanish a much needed workout.  Everyone was all dressed up, and my friend's aunt and I amused ourselves by taking on the role of fashion police.  I know that most of those who wore fashion disasters for whatever reason thought that the outfit was flattering.  The reality was they were really bad.  However there was dinner and dancing fueled by beer and I had a good time.

In other news, I found a neighborhood I like.  The location (for me anyway) feels like I am in a sweet spot vis a vis what I do.  Now, it is time to look for a place.  I saw one place already and will look some more.  I hope to have a place lined up before I go to Texas.

And on that note, Happy 5776!

I Hate Operating System Corruptions!

A major inconvenience happened to me on the Pacific Surfliner.

I was on the way to Palm Springs and thought that I could get some work done because there was WiFi on the train.  Right?

Wrong.  I got The Blue Screen of Death!  It seems that something was corrupted with Windows 10 resulting in the inability to boot the laptop.  That meant stripping out all the apps and reloading Windows, which I was doing as the train sped toward Fullerton.  I thought I had everything straightened out once in Palm Springs.  Right?

Wrong again!  It corrupted a second time.  Which meant another reload and at thorough exam of the hard drive using a new virus scanner / disk maintainer.  So far, THAT has seemed to work and it is now back to the dual tasks of making up for a lost day and reinstalling all the apps that got deleted so that the operating system could be properly reloaded.

Let's hope I don't have to do that again.

Quincañera Prep

Remember when I said, "What the hell," on going to Tijuana last weekend?

It resulted in my being invited to a quincañera this weekend by a young man who was allowed to bring a date.  The night before the party, I got to meet his family.  I managed this because I mentioned to my date that I needed a haircut and he offered to do it.

So, I get to meet his aunt and assorted nieces and nephews and make small talk with them as he fetches the clippers.  Then the real fun began.  I got my first juried haircut.  The aunt was the lead judge and the nephews were also giving their uncle opinions on the cut as he was doing it.  Even the dog barked out an opinion or two.

It turned out to be a great haircut.  I got to meet some more of his friends at a birthday party and both the cut and the story got good reviews.

And it made this blog!

What happened in Vegas

Is that I found out it can basically be divided in three parts.

The obvious part is The Strip.  To me, it feels like an over the top monument to mass tourism.  Nothing but crowds, crowds and more crowds going through an environment that can best be described as artificial.  I guess it's fun, but I stayed at another part of Vegas - Downtown.

Downtown is much more intimate.  It actually feels like a larger version of Reno.  But the vibe of the Fremont Street Experience is actually enjoyable and the light shows and bands are something else.  Three stages with either DJs or live bands at night only add to the fun.

And there is the rest of Vegas.  I went to where the amante lived and got to see a land of desert and strip malls.  He basically lived in a little box on the desert with a bunch of others.  It was an interesting trip, and I think the only reason why I did it was because I wanted to see where he lived.

I also concluded Vegas is a nice place to visit (or change planes, but McCarran International Airport is another story for another time) but I think I could not do it alone.

One other character in my life

Dateline - Las Vegas, NV

This story started about five years ago.

At the time, I had a job in which the only reason why I was working was because I was getting a paycheck, and there was a bar called the Esta Noche in San Francisco where I had a nightcap before I got home.

I met a guy who worked in a Chinese Restaurant in Daly City who joked that he wanted to open one in his native Guatemala.  We chatted when we saw each other and exchanged phone numbers, spoke a few times on the phone and that was about it.

I then got a new job and my commute pattern changed, but I did see him on a few occasions and we even has one brief sexual encounter.

He then moved to Las Vegas.

Around Thanksgiving 2013 he was back in San Francisco at the same time Rick's dementia was advancing.

We hung out and got to know each other better and I fell in love with him.  He also introduced me to his family on New Years Eve.

He then briefly returned to Las Vegas for a court hearing and afterwards returned to San Francisco. He was toying with the idea of returning, but ultimately decided against it.  We got to spend quite a bit of time together during 2014 and, yes, there was a sexual component to the relationship.

Unfortunately for him, he lost his case to stay in the United States, and heavily medicated himself.  To make matters worse, he did not take the medications he was supposed to take and passed away in January of this year.

So, why am I writing about having an amante?

It's a long story starting with Rick saying, "You can have a boyfriend if you want to," after admitting to pulling a stunt that was extremely hurtful to myself and others.  I don't know what motivated Rick to admit to pulling said stunt, but the admission was shortly before he was initially diagnosed with dementia.  He pretty much figured out that what he did was a major dealbreaker, and was engaged in bargaining to keep the relationship going.

With the dementia diagnosis, however, I decided that the right thing to do was be the Anti - Newt Gingrich and be by Rick during a time where he ultimately was unable to take care of himself.

Don't worry, the story will probably develop.

So, why am I in Las Vegas right now.

When he talked about going back to Las Vegas, he asked if I would visit.  I always wondered what kind of tour I would get from him, and I guess I'm here to try and figure that one out on my own.

More later.

Conversation piece.

One of the things I bought last month before I left was a laptop backpack from Costco.

The bag itself does double duty as a weekend case for my clothes and last night I crossed the border at Otay because I missed the last MTS bus in San Diego headed toward the Iris Avenue Trolley Stop and decided, "What the hell."

A woman noticed the bag and how well I could handle it on my back.  I thanked her and then asked for advice on how to get to Centro once I entered Tijuana without spending an arm and a leg.  She gave me an earful on how expensive the cabs right at the border are and then the low down on how to get the bus (which I did.)

But I do find it interesting that the laptop bag was the conversation starter.

On not missing San Francisco

While I am waiting for someone to show up for a phone conference, I have a quick second to write.

Yesterday, I discussed not missing San Francisco with my shrink.  I find it amazing that after 24 years there, I leave and don't miss it one bit.  In fact I am glad to be outta there.  Some of it may be the fact that The City has changed a lot since I moved there, but the shrink helped me figure out that one in that my last year there turned out to be a very difficult one dealing with all that went with Rick's strokes, and the fact I had dealt with his dementia for four years.  As you may suspect, it was a very rough time and that is probably one of the factors in my not missing San Francisco.

Anyway, I am glad to have gone south even though there is still a housing bugaboo to get over.  And that has set me to thinking that because my time is my own and my work portable, I should do some traveling.

That plan is a work in progress.

One Week Later

Last Monday was my last day in San Francisco.

Right after I turned in the rental van that got as much stuff out of my apartment as possible for donations and shipment down to here, I got on the first BART Train out.  It headed to Fremont and I picked up the VTA to San Jose and took the Coast Starlight the next morning to LA and the Pacific Surfliner from LA to San Diego.

I'm finally starting to exhale now.  Honestly, I don't think I could have stood living in San Francisco for one more day.  Anyway, the work space is set up and the storage space is set up.  All I need now is to set up a place to live until October when I go to Texas for a reunion and Mexico for a heritage tour.

I am starting to work again, and for the first time in a long while, I am actively soliciting clients.  That is a good thing in that I had put it off for so long while Rick was dying.

As I am getting used to my new surroundings, I also shed a few tears while I spent the weekend in Tijuana.  I got my Sanborn's fix and had dinner in a really nice Italian restaurant.  I think Rick would be jealous if he found out that Saturday, I decided I want to live in a condo or apartment BECAUSE, I don't find any thrill in buying a lawn mower.

33 Hours to Go

Although there is so much to do, the SF Chapter in my life ends in 33 hours.

Although I am looking forward to the next chapter, I am amazed at the amount of work that is left undone.  The goal now is to complete as much of it as I can and what I cannot do regarding getting everything out I cannot do.  Wish me luck.  I need it.

I took a brief trip to San Diego to set up a mailbox.  And that leads me to introduce a character in this saga.  Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Precious Sister.  She and Rick basically fought over the course of 68 years over everything.  To make matters worse, when he put his order in to do something in San Diego, for some reason she put the kibosh on it and the outings she took him on were things along the lines of buying a lawn mower at Home Depot.  I went out last Sunday night and wound up at Rich's where they had (drum roll please) Stripper Circus.

Something tells me Rick would have had more fun at that extravaganza than trolling around Home Depot.

The Switch is On.

As part of my move to San Diego, I cannot take my City Car Share membership with me as they do not serve the area.  So I set myself up with Zipcar.

So far, it has worked out well.  I have been able to mitigate the higher cost of using Zipcar by getting prepaid cards at my friendly, neighborhood Costco.  I also like the wider variety of vehicles available (even though they are a little larger and harder to park -a major consideration in San Francisco.)

Zipcar also has a feature that would drive Rick nuts if he were still around.  The phone app does double duty as a key fob, which means it serves as the remote for the car.  It happens to be my favorite feature!

And speaking of phones, I still have a land line.  The phone attached to it does little more than make a phone call (and that is difficult to find!)  Rick always rolled the eyes in the back of his head when I used some kind of app on my phone, and say, "I am taking care of x over the phone."  He was expecting some sort of conversation rather than taps of a screen.

That said, he did appreciate it when I could show him pictures of last year's Castro Street Fair which he could not attend due to his recovering from a stroke.

So it's on to finishing going through everything.

One Last Trip Up Your Alley

Yesterday was Up Your Alley (a/k/a Dore Alley) in San Francisco.

For those not in the know, Up Your Alley is the run up to the much larger Folsom Street Fair in September.  These events were anything but Rick's cup of tea, so I have gone by myself to see the latest in gadgets and keep up with the trends.

They were also the LGBT events that I really enjoyed over the past several years.  Yes, I went to the Pride Parade every year with Rick (except this year when he was bedridden.)  But between Rick's mobility issues and his cognitive issues, it felt more like a duty dance as I felt too busy making sure he was OK to actually enjoy the event.

This year's version of Up Your Alley was bittersweet to me in that, although I did have fun, I also realize that in all probability, I would be here for the next one.

Then again, we all know some sort of event will replace it in my calendar.

The Sad Task with a Happy Ending.

Today, I donated Rick's durable medical equipment, as well as some consumables to ReCares in San Francisco.  I was sad about the whole thing because it was a reminder that Rick is in the World to Come and that a chapter of my life has ended.

That said, I went to their donation site around the corner from my apartment.  When someone on the staff spotted Rick's wheelchair, he knew of someone who needed one badly and started making arrangements to get the chair to her pronto.

I was glad that for someone, there was a happy ending to this.  I am also glad that others will be grateful for the gently used equipment.

Now it's on to clearing out the storage locker!

Wish all my problems were this simple.

Because the timing is right, I have decided to start this new chapter of my life somewhere else.

That somewhere is San Diego, California.

It also means breaking down the apartment and having the mother of all estate liquidations.  As part of that process, I am going through stuff that has accumulated since 1986 - the last time the apartment was vacant.  Of course there are snags and questions about why certain things (like RCA cables) were kept.  Most of the weeding through has kept me occupied and kept my mind off of some of the more irritating snags associated with resolving Rick's Estate.

I wish that the most irritating snag was the snag I encountered yesterday.  Although I have for the most part quit buying groceries (why stock up when I am leaving) I now have to figure out how to prepare eight cans of refried beans that were hiding in the kitchen in appetizing manners (or at least make it feel like I am eating something different every day.)

Who wouldn't want to wish all of the problems are like those.

Hopefully the Used Medicine Disposal Container Doesn't Die

The apartment I live in has been occupied continuously for about 29 years.

I just finished cleaning out the hall closet that also served as a medicine cabinet.

The result was eight trash bags, one recycling bag and a lot of unused medications dating back to the 90s.

I took the last batch to the pharmacy today and wound up spending a lot of time emptying bottles and dumping pills into the bin for used medications.  And I thought, "What if the container suffers an overdose?"

Seriously, the case for spring cleaning has been made.

Now, it's on to the kitchen!

Let's Get Started

I promised myself that I would start this blog after Rick, my partner of over 23 years passed away.

The idea is to chronicle life of this 50 year old now single Gay man who is literally starting a new chapter of his life by starting over.

More on that later.

Anyway, welcome aboard.